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They were still in the locker room. He wanted her out here with him. God, he was an idiot. She’d been away from him for thirty minutes and he was annoyed that she wasn’t at his side. He really was on thin ice with this woman.
One week into their relationship, a few hours into their sexual relationship, and he was already worried about losing her.
That brought him right back to the pain in his damn leg. He’d lost his balance in the shower two days before and his right stump had a good-sized scratch on it. Nothing that would need stitches, but enough to irritate him. Enough that he should have asked for help with cleaning and bandaging.
He wasn’t going to force her to be his nursemaid. He was going to be her Dom and she wouldn’t ever have to see him in a lesser light.
He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes with her that he’d made with Alicia.
“When Tiffany brings your subs out, we’ll take a tour of the dungeon and then watch a few scenes.”
Jaye nodded. “That sounds good. But it’s only Gina tonight. Honey had other plans.”
“You know I can’t clear her for the dungeon unless she’s been trained.” He was a bit worried that the whole thing would fall apart because Honey wasn’t as invested in the lifestyle as Gina was. Gina, who seemed to be running the entire show. Honestly, Sebastian wasn’t certain Milo was invested in the same way Gina was, and that could be a problem.
“To tell you the truth, I’m kind of hoping she decides she doesn’t want to play,” Milo confided. “It’s funny, but Gina and I brought in Honey because we thought we needed something to spark our sex lives, you know. G and I have been together since we were kids.”
“But you’re not married.” Wasn’t that what kids did? They fell in love and thought they could make it through anything together. It’s what he’d done. Oh, he’d been proven so very wrong, but he’d believed in that ring he’d given Alicia.
Seeing Tiffany wearing a collar she’d picked out for herself hadn’t sat well with him.
He’d allowed her to select her own collar in the beginning because it hadn’t meant anything. Now he wanted her wearing something he’d bought for her, selected for her. Something that really meant she was his.
“We never got around to it,” Milo was saying. “We started up the business and then things went crazy. We woke up one day and we’d been together for years, but something was missing. We met Honey and Gina suggested we try something new. You know the sex was pretty nice for a while but now I…well, let’s say maybe that dude has the right idea. Maybe having a partner is better than trying to please two women.”
“Especially when you obviously don’t love one of them.”
“She’s all right, but sometimes I wish it was just me and G again.” He stared out over the dungeon. “I worry that if this doesn’t work, she’s going to leave me. God, I hope she takes Honey with her. Maybe I could deal with it if I was alone, but if she leaves Honey and takes the dogs, I’ll be really upset.”
It was sad to know that even a billion dollars didn’t guarantee happiness.
“Is this really what you want to do?” Sebastian felt something he hadn’t in a very long time. Sympathy. It welled up inside him, reminding him that he used to be the guy everyone turned to. “I don’t know how this works if you don’t truly feel the need to dominate her.”
Milo was silent for a moment. “I want to try. I won’t know if I never try, right? I don’t have a problem with it. Whatever floats your boat, you know.” He stood up a little taller. “I will make this work. She’s worth it. She’s…hell, I can’t imagine life without her so I will make this work.”
He had to give it to the man. At least he knew what he wanted. “Good. I think making the decision is an important part of the process.”
He’d made the decision to try with Tiffany. Why her? That was what he hadn’t quite figured out yet. Yes, he wanted her. After having her, he wanted her even more. Lust was something he thought he’d outgrown, but she had proven him wrong.
She was sweet and kind and chaotic. She was a brat who challenged him. She’d been saucy and mouthed off this afternoon while they’d been working on the restaurant’s new wine cellar. And it had given him the perfect opportunity to prove that he meant what he’d said. He’d put her pretty nipples in clamps right then and there. He hadn’t actually had clamps, but he’d made do with clothespins he’d found. She’d done the rest of her work wincing and squirming.
And when her punishment had been done, he’d gotten his mouth on her, easing the clamps off and soothing her tortured nipples with his mouth.
Where was she? The lust he could handle. This yearning was something he wasn’t entirely comfortable with.
“How did you meet your sub?” Milo asked.
“We work together at a restaurant the Taggart brothers own.” At least he didn’t have to lie about that.
“And when did you realize you were interested in the lifestyle? Tell me it wasn’t when you read that book. Gina got all hot and bothered when she read that Fifty Shades book,” he said with a shake of his head.
“No, that isn’t how I got involved.” He stared out over the floor and wished Big Tag had found someone else to be the baby Dom mentor. He didn’t mind dungeon duty, didn’t mind dealing with ensuring Doms knew how to use the equipment or teaching classes on proper technique. This was something different. This was more personal and it made him anxious. “After I left my military service and decided to become a sommelier, I worked at a club in London while I studied for my certification. I got involved there.”
“You had a mentor? Did you ever feel like a complete dope around him?”
Damon Knight had been his mentor. Damon Knight might have saved his life.
You can stay in that wheelchair feeling sorry for yourself or you can stand on your own. You can be meaningful to someone who needs you. It’s your choice, Sebastian, but don’t think for a second that you’re the first or the last of us who had to make this choice. I might not have lost my legs, but I lost my unit. Every one of them. I know where you are and I know how hard this is going to be, but you are not alone unless you choose to be.
