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He reached out and smoothed back her hair. “It is.” They’dspent the last hour making love and exploring each other’s bodies. Hugging. Kissing. Playing. It might be time to get serious. “Are you all right? Do you want to talk about it?”
She laid her head down again. “About what? The fact that my career is over or the fact that my marriage was a complete failure?”
“Anything you want to talk about, Jayna.”
She shifted, sitting up in bed, the sheet around her. “Or we could talk about the fact that you’re depriving an entire generation of knowledge by closing down this town’s one and only library.”
That wasn’t what she needed to talk about. “Your career isn’t over. Let me take care of your legal fees. You can repay me either by handling cases for me or in cash when you get back on your feet.”
Or she could just let him take care of her. She could stay in town, right here in his apartment, and years could go by and she would forget there was a time it had felt weird to let him help her.
She frowned and he hated the fact that she was tense again, but they needed to figure this out. If her case had been moved up, someone was putting pressure on the bar association. She couldn’t fool around. Proper representation was absolutely necessary.
He reached out and threaded his fingers through hers. “Baby, you know I’m right. The bar doesn’t move things up unless someone is pressuring them. They want you on the ropes so you make the mistake of not hiring a specialist. They know the only way they can possibly win against you is to get you to make a mistake.”
“They know how little money I have,” she countered. “They think if they can get me to represent myself, I’ll screw up something procedural that allows them to judgeagainst me. If I have a judgment against me, that will help any suit they file.”
“Then we can’t let that happen.”
She stared down at their joined hands and sighed. “I’m going to pay you back, and not in sex.”
He tugged her down and kissed her forehead, cuddling her close. “However you want to reimburse me is perfectly fine with me. Do you think they’re going to sue? What’s the point if they know you don’t have any money?”
“They made sure I don’t have any money. And I lied when I said I thoughtmaybeTodd had been planning to leave me. I’m certain he was. Our prenup only covered the first ten years. After that it was dissolved, and we were about to hit year nine. He was going to make sure he got rid of me before then.”
“That’s not your fault, either.”
“It feels like my fault. It feels like I should have realized what would happen. All I hear in my head is my mother telling me it wouldn’t work, that it was all a mistake, and turns out she was right.”
“You can’t look at it like that, Jayna. You went into the marriage because you thought it would work. You couldn’t know how it would end up. We learn from every relationship we have.”
“Well, I learned my mother was right, and I should have accepted the life I was born into.”
“You know why she’s that way,” he prompted.
“Because she hates anything she doesn’t understand.”
“Because she’s afraid that you’ll look down on her, that she’ll lose you. It’s why she tried to talk Sienna out of taking the job. She thinks if Sienna gets educated, she’ll lose the only kid she has left, and her grandkids, too.”
“That’s ridiculous. She didn’t lose anyone.”
“You didn’t come home for years,” he reminded her. “Did you come home during summer breaks?”
“No.” Her arm moved over his waist as she sighed. “I worked during the summers. Something I wouldn’t have had to do if she’d let my uncle pay for college.”
“Well, you have to decide if you can forgive her for that.” He understood that conundrum well. “You don’t owe anyone forgiveness, but she is your mother. You have to figure out if the good part is worth the toxic part.”
“Is that what you did?”
“It was easier when my father was alive,” he admitted. “He took care of everything when it came to my mom. And then when he got cancer, she became an entirely different person. She was always so flighty, always dependent on him, but when he got sick...” He had to take a deep breath because this was why he didn’t talk about his dad in anything but fond memories. He got emotional when he thought about those last days. “She let that all fall away, and she was focused on him. My mother, who couldn’t stand the sight of blood or talk of any bodily function, learned how to change bedpans in the middle of the night and how to make sure his IV was properly placed. I was always confused about that. On the surface, they never seemed close.”
“Maybe our parents are like trees and we only see what’s above the surface. Some of it’s pretty. Some of it’s cracked and broken, but we don’t truly know how strong and deep the roots are,” she said quietly before her tone turned to wisecracking. “Unless you’re my parents, and then it’s all out in the open.”
She hid behind sarcasm so often. “I’m sure your mom has some pretty deep roots, too.”
“Yeah,” she replied. “They’re all buried deep, and there’s no room for movement.”
The problems with her mom seemed to be one of thereasons she wouldn’t consider staying in town. “Did you always fight this way with her? Even when you were young?”
