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With her brother lost while she was happy and in love with Max.
It didn’t seem fair.
Max took her hand. “Come with me. I’ll make you dinner. We’ll turn on a movie. You don’t have to do or say anything.”
She appreciated so much that Max knew she needed to shut off her brain and not think or feel right now, because she was overwhelmed and in a loop of nothing but dire thoughts.
With him, being quiet didn’t mean she was shutting him out. They’d never had to fill the silence. Being together had always been the point.
And she didn’t want to be alone tonight.
But could they get back what they once had?
She couldn’t go through losing him again.
She didn’t want to put him through something like that if the man who killed Marcus came for her.
Chapter Eighteen
Max sat on the couch next to Kenna. He’d made her dinner and gotten her to eat most of it before he found one of her favorite movies and turned it on, hoping to distract her. If nothing else, it gave them time to be together and settle into this new and tenuous connection that felt just like before and would be again if only she’d stop holding back.
“Why can’t protective custody be enough?” She put up her hands and let them fall onto her thighs. “Fuck. My parents, me, we’d have to give up our lives, everyone we know.” The outburst came with a lot of anger and annoyance.
Max met her gaze. “You mean all ofus.”
A soft smile touched her lips, then disappeared. “I love that you said ‘us.’”
He slipped his hand up the back of her neck underneath her silky hair. “It’s you and me now. Always.”
“I want that. I really do.” She obviously needed to talk about the situation with Kyle, so she could come to terms with it.
Max knew, like Kenna, her parents wouldn’t want to give up their lives and remain in protective custody. “Do you think your parents know what’s really going on?”
“I doubt the feds have been as open and forthcoming as they’ve been with me. They wouldn’t want my parents to know anything more than Kyle is in dire trouble and they need to cooperate. I can only imagine what they’re thinking and feeling right now, not being able to talk to him or me, and know that we’re all right. I wouldn’t be able to lie to them and say that Kyle will be okay when this is all over. Not now. Intellectually, I understand Kyle’s solution is the only thing that solves all of the problems he’s facing. But my heart wants to find another way.”
She looked at him again. “I feel like I’m counting down the seconds, waiting, and anticipating some sort of notification that Kyle is dead and this is over.” She scrubbed her hands over her face, then let them drop. “Has it already happened? Will it be today? Tomorrow? Will I even know?” Her voice cracked and a stream of tears cascaded down her cheeks.
Max pulled her into his arms again. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I wish I knew what to do to fix this.”
“Me, too.”
The only thing he could do was hold her and let her cry herself out, knowing this wasn’t the end of her grief, but just the beginning.
He felt for her and understood how hard it was to worry about someone you knew was in grave danger.
He worried about Hunt being on the job with the Willow Fork Police Department. At any time, he could be involved in something dangerous. He could be killed. It was always there in the back of Max’s mind.
But Kenna knew it was coming. Soon. The stress and strain on her were tremendous. He wished Kyle hadn’t told her his plans, as vague as they were. But maybe knowing, as hard as it seemed, would help Kenna process it. Maybe the final words they’d said to each other would be a comfort once the shock and grief receded and Kenna could think of them and all her good memories of the brother she’d loved and lost.
Max knew about that kind of loss. He missed his mom every day. And in the beginning, right after he’d lost her to cancer, he’d been angry. He’d wanted her to fight harder when all she’d wanted was an end to the pain. But that wasn’t what really upset him. He’d simply wanted her back.
Kenna felt that way, too. She wanted her brother to be here with her, to share in her joy and her life.
Kyle was too young to die. She didn’t want to live without him. But she would go on, always knowing he wanted to stay and wishing that he’d been here.
Max wanted to find another way for Kyle, but it seemed even the FBI didn’t have a guarantee that wouldn’t put Kyle at risk or on the run forever.
He appreciated that Kyle saw how hard it would be to ask his whole family to go into hiding with him. They’d all be separated. They’d lose the life and family they’d always known.
