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“My head wasn’t working all that well,” she admitted.
Kim squeezed her hand. “Were you upset that we had you stay with Connor?”
“No,” she told them and meant it. “Me staying at his place made the most sense at the time. He had experience and space and I…well, my issue wasn’t with him. Not at all.”
Well, itwaswith Connor. Mostly, how Raven reacted to him.
And what he made her want and feel and—
Dumb.
She was dumb.
But these were her friends, her family.
She owed them an explanation—evenifshe wanted to slip right back into her life like nothing had happened, like nothing had changed. Because a lot of things had changed.
“The fire brought up stuff from my past,” she told them. “It fucked with my head and Connor was there and I really wasn’t liking the person I was becoming around him.”
Soph frowned. “I know you two like to push each other’s buttons, but if he did something that—”
“No,” she said quickly. “It wasn’t him. Connor was great. He went far and above the call of duty.” She bit lightly at the inside of her cheek, wanting this conversation to be over, wanting to go back to how things were before. “It was me…”
Her.
Her fucked-up head.
Her fucked-up past.
“Like I said, the fire did a number on me.” Her fingers clenched at the edge of the table. “I needed some time to sort my mind out. I needed to remember that it wasn’t—”
The past.
Shit repeating itself, sucking her under.
Making her feel like the only thing she was good for was that trailer and toxic relationships and the scraps of other people’s goodness.
Her house had burned down because she hadn’t paid to upgrade all the electrical, because she hadn’t wanted to be bothered to live in a construction zone for who knew how long. Her house burning down had endangered people she cared about, people she loved.
The call from her mother had been the final straw.
It had been the reminder she couldn’t ignore. Pull back.Run.
Soph squeezed her hand. “You needed to remember you weren’t the person your thoughts were saying you were?”
“Yes.”
That was it.
Her thoughts, but worse, heractions. What her actions were saying, how they were defining who she was.
Rave cleared her throat, looked to each of her friends. “I really am sorry I pulled a disappearing act. It wasn’t fair to you guys, and I know you were worried, and I—” Her voice broke and Kim came close, slipping an arm around her waist, tugging her into a warm side hug.
“Hush,” Kim whispered. “We’re just glad you're back now.”
Raven sniffed.
Kim sniffed.
