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This is about revenge. Nothing more. And now it can be never more.
I reach for my phone, dialing her number. When her voice comes over the line, it’s less shaky than before, but I can still tell she’s unsettled. I feel that small flicker of emotion, and then I shut it down before it can flare into more.
“I can’t see you tonight,” I tell her flatly. “I’m busy this evening. Two nights from now, if you like.”
Before she can respond, I hang up.
Natalia
“Are you alright?”
I hear Ruby’s voice from behind me as I look down at the phone in my hand, confusion filling me. I nod quickly, squeezing the phone in my hand as I turn to look at her.
“I’m fine. I just–”
“Who was that?” She gestures at the phone, and I have the urge to lie to her, to tell her it was anyone else–but I’d only just been upset at her earlier this evening for not telling me everything she knew about Igor. Ican’ttell her everything, not without putting her in danger, but I can, at the very least, be honest with her about this.
“I called Mikhail.” I’m still clenching the phone in my hand. “I thought–I don’t know what I thought. I know he paid Igor something to make up for taking my time away from the club. I guess I thought–I thought he might be able to help or something–” I trail off. Saying the words aloud makes me feel stupid, as if I shouldn’t have made the call at all.
“Was he angry?” Ruby frowns, leaning back against the wall. We’re standing on the iron stairwell outside the club, effectually blocking the door for anyone else who wants to come out, but at this particular moment, I don’t really care. I don’t want anyone to overhear our conversation anyway.
“I didn’t tell him what happened. Not yet. I just–I asked if I could see him tonight. I thought it might be better if I told him about it in person. And he–”
“He wasn’t angry withyou, was he?” Ruby looks outraged at the idea, and I laugh softly.
“No, not exactly. More just–cold. Different. He was curt, said he was busy, and that he’d see me two nights from now. I just–” I swallow hard, wrapping my arms around myself. “What if he’s lost interest? Before what happened tonight with Igor, that might not have been so bad. But now Igor is taking half my earnings tonight, and he expects a huge chunk of what I have from Mikhail. He knows what I’m supposed to bring him. I was counting on making more from Mikhail to make up for it–”
And you were hoping to see him again. Don’t lie to yourself.
I push the thought aside as I look down at Ruby, feeling panic wind its way through me. “I guess I just wait until the evening after next–”
Ruby purses her lips. “I don’t know about that. You know where his place is now?”
I look at her in confusion. “Yeah, but–”
“He’s playing a game.” Ruby shrugs. “This whole thing is a game. You have to play it, too. He’s paying for your time, and he’s probably getting a little salty about it. Men get that waysometimes, they remember that you’re doing this for money, and it makes them feel bad. He’s going cold on you because he wants to feel wanted.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.” I chew on my lower lip, thinking about the conversations I’ve had with Mikhail and the way he’s behaved in the past. I think about the possibility that he could be the one leaving me the threatening notes, and a cold pit settles in my stomach.
“Hey.” Ruby bumps my elbow with hers, giving me a reassuring smile. “I’ve done this before, remember? I really think that’s all it is.”
“So what do you think I should do?” I feel my teeth sinking into my lip as I swallow hard, trying not to think about the rest of the night, giving Igor half of the meager amount I’ve earned tonight, coming back tomorrow night with even more for him out of what I’ve made so far. “I have to wait on what he wants–”
“No, you don’t, and I don’t think that’s what you should do. I think you should go over there tonight. Make him think that you want him so much that you couldn’t wait to see him. That the money doesn’t matter. And then he’ll feel good, and it’ll make him even more generous the next time.”
It feels wrong to me. I start to tell Ruby that she’s wrong, that she doesn’t know Mikhail, that he’s not the type to want me to appear out of nowhere. But then I think back to our conversations, to him telling me that he paid me at the beginning of the date so he could spend the rest of it imagining that it’s real, and I feel my certainty falter.
What if she’s right? What if he just wants me to make a move, so that he doesn’t feel that this is as one-sided as it’s supposedto be? What if thisisa part of the game, and I just don’t understand it?
I know at least a part of me is letting my feelings talk me into this, that I really do want to see him, to tell him about Igor and come up with some kind of solution, that Mikhail might be able to fix it. I don’t want to go home alone and lie in my bed in the darkness, dreading the next time I go back to the club.
If Ruby is right, and this is a part of this back-and-forth, the game of having this kind of client, then you can’t fuck it up. You’ll lose so much more if you do.
The conversation with Igor has left me feeling shaky and desperate. My goal of getting free of all of this is suddenly further off than I thought it had been. I can feel my freedom slipping out of my fingers, and it causes me to make a decision I might not have otherwise.
“Okay,” I tell Ruby, feeling my pulse beating hard in my throat. “I’ll do it.”
She grins at me. “It’ll make him so much happier the next time. I promise. He’ll probably give you something else nice. He’ll feel like you really do want him.”
