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The way he moved, so freely and easily, without any self-consciousness, was suddenly attractive to me. Really, stupidly attractive. Suddenly, all I could think about was Cal’s big hands, his lean wiry muscles, his full lips when they pulled into a playful grin. It was pure physical attraction, plain and simple.
Yes, I was attracted to Calvin Ashby. I wanted him. I felt it in the way my stomach tightened and trembled, my nipples beaded the way they had when Wyatt sucked on them one wild night. But it was an inconvenient attraction given the deal we made. And the fact that I wasn’t technically honoring that deal, and the even bigger fact that we were wrong for each other.
But watching the way he handled himself in the kitchen, the playful smile on his lips as if the act of cooking amused him, none of that mattered. I wanted Cal, and I wanted to finally have something I wanted. For once. Be bold, I repeated mentally at least a dozen times to get my confidence up enough to ask one important question.
“Do you find me attractive, Cal?”
“I used to.” The words came out easily enough, but Cal refused to look at me, keeping his focus on the skillet sizzling over a high flame. “But you’re skinny as fuck now and strung out. And that’s exactly how you look.”
Skinny. Strung out. Those words sliced at my skin like the smallest, sharpest blade, leaving shallow stinging wounds that hurt more than they should.
“You know what, Cal? Screw you; no, fuck you! Yeah, that’s right, fuck you!” It felt good to let go of some of that anger. I grabbed the hem of my t-shirt and tugged it over my head.
“That’s right, fuck you! Sorry I’m not gorgeous and curvy like the club bitches you probably take home when you can pull yourself away from your precious computer.” I let out a bitter laugh and sent my bra flying at his face.
“Bonnie, please. Stop this.”
I shook my head, my eyes wild and my mind too muddled to talk me out of anything. “Stop what? You think I’m too ugly and too skinny, and I’m fine with that. I think your hair is too…red.”
“Okay.”
“And I think you’re…whatever!” I couldn’t think of anything smart or witty to say, so I unfastened my jeans and shoved them over my hips and down my legs, kicking them away like they might bite me.
Next went my off-white panties until I stood there in the middle of Cal’s kitchen, naked and vibrating.
Angry and humiliated.
“Bonnie. Please.”
“No.” I shook my head, feeling tears begin to sting the back of my eyes. I knew I had to get away. Fast. “Don’t worry about it. You made your feelings clear and I’m…I’m sorry.”
If he said anything after that, I didn’t hear it because I gathered up my clothes and ran up to my temporary room and locked myself inside for the rest of the day.
Maybe tonight I’d get out of here for real.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Cal
Now that I had accessed all the information on Addison and Jack Beck, it was time to take it to the family. I didn’t have time to deal with images in my head of a certain porcelain-skinned woman who still made my mouth water with the urge to taste her.
Despite what I told Bonnie, I was very attracted to her. Despite the bruises and the dirt that told me she’d been doing a hell of a lot more than pawning jewelry and filling out job applications.
I meant to call her out on her lies, but her damn question had come out of left field. While I was assessing her overall demeanor, searching for signs that she was using and hoping I didn’t find any, she hit me with it.
And when I didn’t see those signs, it was the perfect distraction because I didn’t see the minefield until my foot was right on top of it. Before I could backtrack or explain, the fucking bomb had gone off, and Bonnie had run off, hurt, humiliated and rejected.
I wanted to go after her, to explain that she was not in a place to explore this connection between us, to see where it might go. I wanted to tell her that once the drugs were out of her system, she’d go back to being the sexy, hot, ginger with killer curves she’d been when I met her.
Just then, one of my alerts sounded, and I dove back into the life, times, and death of the Beck family.
My legs carried me in long strides to Ma’s salon, where I’d told everyone to come for an important family meeting. Ma and Virgil were already there, but of course, Jasper would show up in his own time and Kat was probably on her way over from the casino.
