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And now I felt like a gigantic jerk. “I’m sorry for being bitchy. I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself, but that doesn’t mean I’m not excited for you. Or proud.” It was actually the perfect job for her. “You get paid to help rich people organize outrageous things with their obnoxious money. That’s just so you, Maisie.”
Her face twisted into a confused smile. “It kind of is, isn’t it?” She shrugged again. “I’m enjoying it more than I thought and things are good right now. Really good. Sorry,” she said when she realized that things weren’t really good for everyone.
We walked to the patio table and chairs and sat across from each other.
“It’s all right, Maisie. You don’t have to be miserable because I am. I’m working on getting better. Being better.” I was a work in progress, failing more than I was succeeding but determined to try each and every day. “I’m still applying to jobs and that’s about all I can do.”
“That’s great, Bon. I’m sure something will happen. Soon.”
“Not too soon,” I told her. “They’re all out of state, and I need a quick job to save up some money for the move.”
Maisie’s shoulders fell and a pout formed on her red lips. “That sucks. How will I live in this town without my best friend?”
“I know.” She was the only family I had left and the thought of leaving made me physically ill. “After everything that’s happened, what choice do I have?”
“Let me think of something, please,” she pleaded around a yawn. “Don’t do anything until I’ve had time to come up with a few options. Please?” Another yawn escaped, and I nodded, telling her what she wanted to hear because she was too tired to remember.
“Okay, now go take a nap. That yawning is getting out of control.”
She smiled, trying for a laugh as the third yawn escaped. “It is. Sorry, late night.”
“That’s how it is for members of a working society,” I told her proudly. “Better get some sleep while you can, I’m sure Virgil will be home soon enough to distract you from silly things like sleep or food. Or oxygen.”
“I do love a distraction,” she said on a dreamy sigh that was so unlike the girl I’d known in college.
“Then you better rest when you can,” I told her, fixing my expression so she knew not to argue.
“Fine,” Maisie sighed and rolled her eyes as she stood, reaching for her discarded stilettos. “Let’s get together for some girl time soon, okay?”
I nodded as she rushed to get off her feet before she fell asleep. Her visit had made me feel too many things when I didn’t want to feel anything. I hated that I couldn’t be happy for Maisie with her job and her love life. I hated that my life was so screwed up that it changed everything I’d ever believed in. Mainly my ability to be a good person. A better person.
I spent most of the day high, trapped in anger. There was the guilt, too, but I focused on the anger over all I had missed. All those years listening to my parents under the guise of love and caring, missing out on fun and for what? My life was ruined, with my virginity intact and no sins committed. How fair was that? I did everything they’d asked—no, demanded—of me, and I’d been tossed aside so easily.
Proof of how little I’d actually been cared for. Loved.
And I was done with that, dammit.
Right now was the perfect time to be a little bit reckless. When else would I find myself trapped in a house with a sexy geek that knew what a hot mess I was and wanted me anyway? I could clean myself up, spend a few hours pampering myself and then, seduce Cal.
I looked up at the clear blue sky, basically a sign that this couldn’t go wrong. It wouldn’t. Mama always said a man would take what was being offered, so I’d make him an offer he couldn’t resist.
I would make myself irresistible.
It took some time to get ready since I didn’t exactly know what I was getting ready for. A long hot bath and two of Cal’s disposable razors later and my nerves had started to return. My hands were shaky and there was a deep uneasiness in my gut that made me queasy. The heat of the bath had started to fade, leaving shivers in its place.
Twenty minutes of scouring every nook and cranny, every bag, every compartment and free space in my guest room, not to mention the other bathroom cabinets in the house, and I found a bottle with two Vicodin. I’d never taken it before, but it was a pain killer and that was just what I was looking for.
“Perfect!”
Now that I was fixed up right, it was time to finish off the look. Then I’d go in search of the man who would get the honor of my virginity, if there was even any honor in that anymore. Still, I found something red and lacy and barely there, feeing pain-free, guilt-free for now and loose limbed.
