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He chuckled, then sat down on one of the chairs. I did the same.
“No need to be. I’m just me.” We were both quiet for a moment, and then Sebastian said, “Their friendship is incredible, isn’t it? They all love each other so much. I was a little jealous at first.”
“Can’t say I blame you, but hey, at least Declan’s best friend didn’t hate you.” It struck me that in my case, said best friend was Sebastian’s boyfriend. “Shit. Sorry. Can we forget I said that?”
“Declan doesn’t hate you. He’s protective of Parker. They have a special bond. Parker has been there for Dec in more ways than I can say.”
Tension I didn’t realize I’d been carrying drained from my chest. “You don’t think Declan hates me?”
“I know he doesn’t.” He picked at the arm of the Adirondack chair. “You care about Parker.”
“Yes,” I answered honestly.
“You really want to be with him.”
“He’s my husband.”
“Yes, but you know that’s not what I mean.”
I fell back against the chair and groaned. “Yes. God yes. This is so weird for me. I’ve never wanted more from someone before. I’m scared it’s a fluke, that I’ll fuck up and hurt him. I’m scared he doesn’t want me. I’m freaked out more than I’ve ever been in my life. This conversation is proof. I’m talking to Sebastian Cole about all my insecurities about my husband.”
He laughed. “I get it. Loving someone is hard and frightening. So many things can go wrong…”
“Is this supposed to help?”
He smiled. “But so many things can go right too. The most important question is whether he’s worth it. If he is, that’s all that matters.”
And he was. So fucking worth it. Despite what I’d said to Vaughn on the phone earlier, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to argue about Sebastian’s use of the word love because…because I knew I loved Parker. And strangely, that made everything easier, made some of the fear lessen. Sebastian shouldn’t be the first person I told, though. Instead, I asked, “Does it get easier?”
“Yeah, in a lot of ways, but it’s life, so there’s always something to stress about. I’ll be leaving in a few weeks to promote Bound and Determined. It’ll be the first time I’m away from Declan. He’s coming with me to red-carpet premieres, but I know he doesn’t like things like that. I’m worried he’ll be miserable or change his mind about me. Deep down, I know he loves me and he won’t, but…love is hard. Beautiful and incredible, but hard.”
“Still not feeling better.”
“But then there are those moments when he just looks at you, or you make him laugh, or he whispers in your ear or does something nice for you, and they feel like your whole reason for being alive. They inspire you. I just finished writing my first screenplay, and the only reason I even had the balls to write it is because of Declan. Really, that’s all that matters. Those times are worth the worries because the prize is them.”
Sebastian’s words fit inside me, helped break down my fears.
“If you’re worried about the Beach Bums, they’ll love you because Parker does. That’s how they work.”
Yeah, but that was him assuming Parker had feelings for me.
“Thank you…for this. Talking to me.”
“No worries. We’ll trade cell numbers.”
“I’d like that.” I already knew I wanted to be part of Parker’s life, but talking to Sebastian made me realize how much I wanted to be a part of every aspect of his life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Parker
Elliott: Do you wanna hear the craziest shit?
I smiled at the midmorning text. We were both at work, but messaging throughout the day was something we’d been doing for a while now.
Me: Of course. Work drama?
Elliott: LOL. No. Just something I discovered today, and I thought you would get a kick out of it. So…I was talking to this guy at work. I can’t even remember how we got on the subject, but did you know that when you say frown, to people in other countries that’s something you do with your forehead? WTF? I don’t get it. How do you frown with your forehead?
The funny thing was, I could imagine the scandalized look on Elliott’s face as he was texting me this. And he was correct in that I did, in fact, find this interesting.
Me: I don’t get it either… What’s a forehead frown?
Elliott: I think when you furrow your brows? I have no idea. I’m going to ask him.
Me: And also, what about the saying “turn that frown upside down”? Do they turn their head upside down? I’m sooooo confused!
Elliott: Same! Maybe they don’t use that expression? I’ll ask those questions and get back to you.
Okay, so our conversation was slightly adorable. It definitely wasn’t something I would have ever thought Elliott would say to me before we started all this.
