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Estrella could no longer see past the blur of tears that filmed her gaze. Keep my kingdom safe for me. A hysterical laugh almost bubbled past her lips. Oh God. Those were the very words he wrote, the very words that gave her the strength and power to face all the challenges that went with wearing the crown. And yet as it turned out...those words had never been for her.
He had never trusted her. Never chose her. Maybe never even loved her.
"I understand now," she whispered. "Thank you for telling me the truth."
"Princess—-"
Estrella shook her head. "If it's alright, I'd like a moment alone please. I need some time to...think. Please."
Alain and Aluin were reluctant to leave, but the look on the princess' face left them no choice. It was too damn obvious she was seconds away from breaking down, and just as obvious was the fact that she couldn't bear having anyone see her cry.
And they were right.
The tears fell the moment the twins pulled the doors shut behind them. She tried, she really tried to keep it together, tried to keep the sounds of her tears to herself, but then she thought of how all this time it was just never her—-
Misty.
Fina.
In different times of Lysander's life, those women had been his choice. He had chosen to care for them. Trust them. And Estrella...she had thought that she was one of them.
But she was not.
Because he had never...
Never chosen her.
The realization was just too much, and her hands flew up to cover her mouth as a memory razed her mind—-
Only you...matter.
That was what he had said.
And it will...always...only...be...you.
That was what he had promised, and she had believed him, not knowing that she was never his Ammon inside him that demanded Lysander to stay true to their bond. He had been lying to her all this time, and oh God, oh God, but she hadn't even known. Had been so stupidly in love that she hadn't realized she wasn't his choice and that she wasn't giving him a choice. She had been forcing herself on him like a stupid, pathetic fool—-
I love you.
She had even dared say such words every time they made love, and oh God, he had been forced to listen to her, even forced to say—-
It is the same for me, my Star.
But that was a lie. Everything was a lie. He had NO CHOICE but to lie. Because he had NEVER CHOSEN her.
Never.
And it was then that everything became too much, and she could no longer stay silent, could only start weeping controllably as shame ripped her part. Oh God. Oh God. Her body shook at each sob that heaved out of her. Oh God. How can I ever face him now?
The sound of the princess' sobs was heartwrenching, and the Fae guards standing outside her door found themselves gritting their teeth as they felt their own eyes burn. All of a sudden, they started remembering how it was Estrella who had been their symbol of hope in the past two years they had struggled to maintain their race's independence and pride. She had fought for them, defended them, even risked her own life to save ordinary Faes. So what the hell were they doing, treating her like some prisoner?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Don't do it. Don't even think of it. Just leave.
It was the right thing to do, the only way to show his wife that he wouldn't stand for her interference.
So stop thinking about her, dammit.
And yet, he found this impossible to do. He kept seeing her face in his mind, and she wasn't...she goddamn wasn't shining the way he always thought of her. He would be talking to his generals, and he would still see her. He would be going through the final checks of their mission, and her face still wouldn't his mind. And not once, in all the minutes she lingered in his thoughts, not fucking once did she shine.
Even when he had walked back to the house just to have a moment alone, one moment to close his eyes and try to imagine her shining—-
It just wouldn't fucking come.
Almost as if a part of his soul had sensed all the light going out of her.
The thought was terrifying, and he was suddenly moving, bounding up the steps as his heart beat madly against his chest. When he reached the tower room, the guards posted outside the doors had a stoic look on their faces.
"What is it?" he asked curtly.
"The princess..." The younger man swallowed hard. "She's been crying, Your Highness."
Ah.
His chest clenched hard. God. His fingers tightened around the knob. Let me not hurt her again. He closed his eyes. Please. It didn't matter if this thought made him weak. Didn't matter that it meant risking history to repeat itself. He loved her. Both beast and man loved her, and once this battle was over, he would find a way to make things right.
