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Every now and then, the overwhelming fear cripples me. Fear for what will happen during Zade’s ritual, fear for the life I won’t be able to live, fear for my father who’ll never be free, fear for the boys whose hearts will break.
It’s too much.
The rush of emotions is paralyzing. I go from grieving the life I’ve never lived, to desperately needing to spend every waking minute living life to the fullest. The whiplash of emotion is exhausting, and a part of me just wants it over. If it’s going to happen, I need to be through with this countdown. The anticipation is going to kill me long before Zade gets the chance to.
Dalton glances at me, his brows furrowed as he takes in the tears welling in my eyes, and I watch as something breaks inside of him. This has been our routine these past few days. This man feels so deeply that it’s inspiring.
“You know,” he starts, making me hold my breath. I never know what might come out of his mouth in situations like this, but when he wants to cheer me up, I’ve learned to come prepared for the worst. “I was using your phone the other day, and I just happened to scroll through your search history . . .”
My eyes widen with horror, and I suck in a breath, knowing exactly what he would have found. “I swear, I was searching for a pianist and that just came up.”
Dalton arches a brow. “Right. So you meant to search for big pierced pianists jerking off?”
My cheeks flush, and I bury my face in my hands, embarrassment washing through me, but there’s no denying that Dalton succeeded in his mission to get my mind off the ritual. I barely have a chance to recover from my mortification when Zade moves across the front of the church and takes his position behind the dais.
He looks out over the sea of extravagant gowns and suits, and I can’t help but notice how fucking nervous he looks. Hell, it’s more than that. He looks like he’s about to be sick to his stomach. My brows furrow as I watch him closer, and judging by the way Easton and Dalton stiffen beside me, they notice it too.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Zade look nervous. He’s always so put together, always so calm and calculated. He knows every move that’s going to happen long before it does, and the fact that today is different puts me on edge.
Zade’s gaze shifts to Sawyer before looking over his family. Then in a flash, resolve and determination force their way through his stare, and the Zade I’ve come to know is back.
He holds his hands out wide. “In life, we prosper,” he says, the captive audience living for every word from their future leader. “But in death, we rise.”
A chill sails down my spine, hating how fucking culty this bullshit is.
“We gather here today, not to mourn the death of our brother, Nikolai Thorne, but to rejoice in his sacrifice. As his blood runs dry, we open the pathway for our future to rise in power. A new generation of servitude, bound to the brotherhood by oath, bound to our Empire, bound to you.”
Zade’s gaze sails across the congregation, like a god looking down on his servants, and I can’t help but notice the excitement bubbling through the crowd. This moment is truly something they value—a regal event within their society.
“Let us not wait a moment longer to initiate the firstborn heir of the Thorne legacy into our ranks,” Zade says as Sawyer stands, fixing his suit jacket, more than ready to put on a show for his people. He goes to take a step as Zade continues, welcoming him before the eager crowd. Only, Zade’s gaze falls away to someone else in the crowd. “Put your hands together as we welcome his heir to take the sacrificial oath of servitude to our people, Miss Cara Maisie Thorne.”
My jaw drops, my gaze swiveling to Cara to see nothing but horror in her stare as she clutches her mother, looking around as though there’s been some kind of terrible mistake. She shakes her head violently as gasps sound through the old church, both Dalton and Easton muttering under their breath beside me.
“The fuck?” Sawyer demands as the other members of The Circle get to their feet in outrage. Sawyer pushes ahead, moving toward Zade and looking at him with venom. “What the hell are you doing? I’m the heir. I’m my father’s firstborn child. Besides, she’s a woman. She can’t move into a position of leadership, even if she was the heir.”
The whole fucking church is up in arms, people standing within their pews yelling obscenities toward Zade, clearly not approving of the idea of welcoming a female into their ranks—especially into a position of power.
