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“Fear?”
The curl of her lips is nothing short of self-deprecating. “Apparently all the Reeds are born with an innate aversion to emotion. Well, Maxon, Griff, Harlow, and I probably have growing up with our father to thank for that. But Evan struggled not to reject feelings, too. We’ve discussed this phenomenon and shared some about our upbringings.” She shakes her head. “But I’ve been intentionally trying not to think about where I’m at in life or where I’m going, long term. Right now, I’m focused on putting one foot in front of the other until life makes sense again. And so far—”
“Hang on. It sounds like your life fell apart. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about that?” I try not to fire the question at her, but I’m dying to know if she’ll admit the real reason she’s in Hawaii.
She shakes her head. “It’s a long story full of family drama, and I won’t bore you. But today made me realize that feelings aren’t wrong. There are more reasons to let someone close to you besides figuring out how you can use them.”
“Yes,” I confirm, instantly wondering what she means. How did she use people?
Again, she gives me an ironic smile. “That probably sounds obvious to you—and to most people. But it’s a new way of thinking for me. If Maxon hadn’t listened to his heart, Keeley wouldn’t be his wife. Kailani wouldn’t have been born today. Griff would still be a miserable bastard who hated Maxon and didn’t know his son, Jamie, existed. He wouldn’t have Britta or another baby on the way. Harlow would have kept her relationship with Noah to a fling. Evan would have stayed in Seattle, grieving the loss of a wife who didn’t love him, rather than letting himself fall for Nia. But every one of my siblings made the choice to open themselves up to new possibilities, and their lives are all better for it. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been blind and I’m missing out.”
Her speech is both a jolt and a gut punch. Did she really tell me all this because she’s just now realizing that using people is wrong? Or is she trying to tell me she’s receptive to more than friendship because she’s fishing to find out how I feel about her?
My heart starts pounding. Hooking up with Bethany would be the most expedient way of getting closer to her. It would allow me intimate access into her psyche and her life. But I’m so conflicted about going there… Sex—even if I haven’t stopped thinking about having it with her for days—would muddle my thoughts even more. And I hate the idea of screwing her literally merely so I can screw her figuratively.
On the other hand, if she’s willing to open up about anything at all, I need to play along.
“Does the possibility of falling for someone scare you, Beth?”
“Scare? No. It terrifies me. What if they’re not everything I think they are? Or need them to be?”
I try to shrug off my remorse. If she’s innocent and if she wants me, I’ll be the most thoughtful, attentive lover she’s ever had. If she’s guilty…then she should get what she deserves.
“What if they are?” I murmur.
“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “And what if I’m not enough for them? I’ve never stopped to think about what it would require to make a significant other happy.”
“Are you thinking about it now?”
“Yes.”
I shouldn’t ask but… “Are you thinking about it with me?”
“We’ve only known each other for a few days.”
Though she hedged, her face tells me that’s exactly what she’s thinking.
“That isn’t what I asked. Have you thought about it with me, Beth?”
She hesitates, gnawing on her lip. “Yes.”
I lean closer. God, this is so dangerous. My heart pounds and throbs. I’m aching to touch her. She has no idea how badly I want to give in…
“Even though you said you don’t date co-workers and aren’t looking for romance?”
An even longer hesitation. “Yes.”
“What exactly are you thinking about, Beth?”
“Stop asking me questions and kiss me.”
CHAPTER SIX
Her whisper pelts my brain, heats my blood, stops my heart—stiffens my cock. “Are you sure, Beth? I think we should talk about this.”
But talking is the last damn thing my body wants to do.
“Look, if you don’t want to…” She ducks her head in mortification and turns away.
I pull her back to face me. “Oh, I do. But…” I scramble for an excuse to explain my reluctance. “You and I both need a friend right now. Let’s make sure neither of us is mistaking loneliness for attachment.”
“It’s a kiss, not marriage.”
“You’re right. But once we cross the line…” There’s no going back. Frankly, that’s one of the few things stopping me from backing her against the wall, laying my mouth over hers, and stripping off her goddamn clothes.
