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Excerpt from Perfectly Mated
How the fuck did I wind up here?
It was all Elissa could do not to slam her face down on the table as she pondered that question for the umpteenth time since leaving her cozy Hoboken apartment to go on this so called date.
“So, babe,” the over-stuffed, heavily-cologned, and downright fugly man said.
Her date of the evening looked like something out of a bad sitcom as he tried to lean over the stained tablecloth of the rundown hotel buffet room, he’d driven two hours to get to. Waggling his caterpillar-like eyebrows, he gave her the once over and Elissa’s skin crawled.
Oh, hell no.
“I got a room upstairs, you know, forafter,” he told her, nodding his head, and biting his lower lip in a manner she assumed he thought was provocative.
At best, it was nauseating.
FML.
How was this guy Elissa’s date for the evening? What had she done to deserve this?
Little Gianni. Yup, that was how he’d introduced himself. And here she was. On a blind date with a guy who had the word ‘little’ in front of his name.
Well, what did she expect?Roses and champagne? In this economy? She didn’t know where Cinder-fucking-ella got her prince, but it sure as fuck wasn’t in Jersey.
Elissa could only blame herself for agreeing to go on this blind date. Initially, the whole Little Gianni fiasco had been intended for her roommate.
Wait a second. Scratch that thought.
Itwasall Gretchen’s fault. That ungrateful cow!
She tried to play it off like she was some sweet little homegrown maiden. Oh, just wait till Elissa got home. Gretchen was never going to hear the end of it.
She owed Elissa. Big time. Like a whole month of washing the dishes big time. The rat trap they shared in her hometown of Hoboken was all the two women could afford, and for the most part, they got along just fine.
In fact, they’d grown to be close friends over the three years they’d lived together. It was the only reason she’d ever agreed to this date from Hell.
Elissa sighed and looked over at Little Gianni. Maybe he wasn’t all that bad?
"BEEEELLLLLLLCHHH!’Scuse me, doll. Better out, am I right?”
Gianni winked and Elissa wished for a black hole to open up and swallow her up right through the floor.
OMFG.
The man just burped out loud like he was in a frat boy belching contest, only those days passed him up about thirty years ago.
For fuck’s sake. Gretchen, you so owe me.
Elissa cursed her roommate and tried not to groan. But Little Gianni wasn’t quite done. The grown ass man lifted his leg and let one rip.
Right. Fucking. There.
Elissa was going to die before the end of the night.
Literally.
This is what you get when you do a friend a favor without asking for details! Idiota!
The voice of her Italian grandmother sounded in her brain. She tried to ignore it, willing herself not to wince at the man while he sucked air, and who knows what else, noisily through his coffee-stained teeth.
