AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Derek looks at me for a long time before shaking his head. He thinks I’m in denial like the rest of my family, and he doesn’t know half of the story.
“As you know, my father shipped me off to boarding school at eleven. It was coed, although the dorms were separated by boys and girls.” He clears his throat. “At fifteen, I began to fool around with my roommate, who happened to be my best friend too. We both liked the same girl, and she liked us back. Being together was easy, but the relationship only lasted until we graduated. They decided it was better to just be a couple without me.”
He snorts. “You would think I would’ve learned from that experience. When I was in college, I fell into the same dynamic. They were a couple before I came into their lives.” Derek runs a hand over his face. “After three years of being together, he died in Iraq. Losing the man I loved was painful, but that wasn’t the worst part. She broke up with me because ‘I was just there to satisfy his gay needs,’ her words.”
“Sorry.” I reach out to hold his hand.
“She never loved me, and I’ll always live wondering if he ever cared about me or I was just… a fucking living sex toy.”
I turn to face him and kiss his jaw. “Sorry that you had a bad experience with the people who you loved and trusted.”
“It’s okay. That’s why I prefer to be a loner.”
He shouldn’t. Derek Farrow is an amazing man who deserves someone just as incredible as him. “You’ll find someone someday.”
He bobs his head. “Are you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Really? Are you okay with this whole waiting until he’sback?”
He wouldn’t understand if he learned Archer is missing, and I might never find him. Am I happy? That’s a loaded question, and I don’t plan on answering it for anyone, not even myself.
“Some plans are on hold,” I mumble, resting my head on his chest, closing my eyes, and counting his heartbeats. It’s soothing, and I shouldn’t be doing it, but I’m starting to learn the rhythm.
And I’m not surprised that I can handle the three beats simultaneously. I should forget about this. Being able to know what he feels might break me when he’s gone or Archer returns.
“So, you’ll wait until he’s back?”
“Uh-huh,” I whisper.
“I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.” Derek kisses the top of my head.
I nod, wanting to cry because I wish I could let myself fall in love with Derek. He makes everything better. Remembering Archer when he’s around isn’t dreadful.
But also, Derek deserves someone to love him, and because he does, I can’t even toy with the idea of falling for him or leading him into a situation neither one of us could handle. It’d kill me if I had to leave him.
ChapterThirty-Eight
To:F. Gil
From P. Cooperson
Subject: Your submission
October 2nd, 8:45 a.m. EST
Dear Mr. Gil,
We read the first four chapters of your book and are interested in reading the rest of the story. Once we read it, we’d like to schedule a call to discuss it further.
Do you have an agent?
We’re not ready to extend you an offer, but we would like to know more about your goals.
Best Regards,
P. Cooperson
