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Kit shakes his head, but Lennox shuts the door on him. A moment later, Gage is standing guard outside the door. He looks over at me like I deserve to die for my sins. Maybe I do.
No, I definitely do.
I glance to the door where I know River is. I want to see her.
“She’s alive. And she’ll live but without a huge piece of her heart. She will struggle for a long time. So will Beckett,” Lennox says.
I squeeze my eyes shut, keeping the pain in. I won’t show any emotion. I can’t. I don’t get to.
“The doctor says she’ll need surgery to make sure her womb is clear, but she’ll live.”
I nod, emotionless.
Lennox looks at me with unveiled disgust. I’m a monster he’s just now realizing he’s been sleeping with. He dodged a bullet knowing I’m not carrying his baby. Even though we’re married, soon he can get rid of me after he punishes me for my role in River’s loss.
“Come with me,” Lennox says, turning down the hallway away from River.
My hands instinctually rub over my belly as I follow, trying to connect with the tiny being inside me that makes me nauseous and has forced my hand when it comes to what decisions I have to make.
But I don’t feel anything, no real connection. Maybe because I never wanted to be a mother. Maybe because the baby isn’t big enough to feel yet. I don’t feel kicks or movement yet. I haven’t even taken a test yet. I haven’t gotten an ultrasound. Maybe it’s normal for it to not feel real yet. Or maybe I haven’t connected with it yet because I don’t think this baby has a chance of survival. We’ll both be dead before it has a chance of taking its first breath.
Lennox walks through a door, leading me to a set of stairs. He motions for me to go downstairs into pitch blackness.
I don’t fight him.
I walk down the stairs, hoping the small piece of love he has for me is enough to let me come back out of this dark basement some day.
I keep my head high, ready to face reality. The love Lennox has for me is fleeting—or most likely long gone, if it ever really existed.
I reach the bottom step and listen to Lennox take each creaky step down the stairs, in sync with my own heartbeat.
The sound stops, and I feel Lennox standing in the darkness with me.
“I can see the truth now,” Lennox says.
“What did you figure out?”
“You’re the villain. You only care about yourself. I saw it the first time we met, but you made me fall in love with you. You made me think I read you wrong. But now I realize the truth—you’re an absolute narcissist. You don’t even love the sister who has protected you all these years.”
I don’t respond. He needs to speak his thoughts. But he waits for me to say anything.
“What’s my punishment? Are you going to kill me? Rape me? Torture me? What monster are you going to become to punish me?”
I feel him move toward me until he’s an inch away, breathing the same air but not touching me.
“The same monster you are.”
I inch closer to him, needing to rattle him, and know that my presence still does that. The problem is his closeness affects me in the same way.
“Does that mean you don’t love me anymore? You’re back to hating me?” I ask.
I reach my hand out and find his chest inches from me. I drag my hand down his chest, feeling the speed of his heart and the way his breath pulls harder under my touch.
His hand finds my collarbone before creeping up higher and encompassing my neck. His hand squeezes tighter, threatening to cut off my oxygen supply. He’s trying to spark fear into my soul, to make me yield to him, to beg for my life—but there will be no begging.
“I never stopped hating you,” he growls deeply. It’s the kind of growl that reverberates deep into my belly.
“Good,” I say, my voice breaking.
