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I’m sitting on the edge of Lennox’s bed with a box of pregnancy tests I keep flipping over in my hands. It’s been three days since we came back to Lennox’s apartment, and we’ve barely left the bed, barely faced reality.
Lennox ran out to get us some food, and I found this box in the bathroom. It seems I wasn’t the only one thinking we needed these.
The apartment feels just the same as before I left. It’s my safe place. It feels like Lennox. But it’s also different because everyone else is gone.
Hayes and Gage are back with the Retribution Kings. There’s a lot more to their story, but Lennox hasn’t shared much yet. He’s only told me they’re with the Retribution Kings, so now we’re enemies. Hopefully, when we take over the Corsi men, we can reach an alliance with the Retribution Kings.
It’s hard not to see them, but I’m hoping we can make things right soon enough. Missing them isn’t going to be as hard as missing River and Beckett. She left me a note saying she didn’t know how long they’d be gone, just that they needed to get away. They needed time to figure out what they wanted and to heal from the trauma they experienced.
I know they still want a child, but I’m not sure how they’d manage coming back and having a baby, not after what they went through. They both deserve to be happy more than anyone I know. The only way they’ll be happy is by having a baby, so I don’t expect to ever see them again.
I turn the box over again, and then I feel him. I don’t have to look up to know Lennox is standing at the top of the stairs watching me.
He doesn’t say anything as he walks over and sits on the edge of the bed next to me. I can smell the bag of food he puts down next to his feet, but food is the last thing I want right now.
He waits patiently at my side for me to speak.
“Who’s the girl whose name is tattooed on your heart?”
He blinks, not expecting me to ask that question. He probably thinks the name is concealed. To most people it would be, but not to me when I’ve had a chance to examine every inch of his body.
He exhales slowly. “Her name is Lila.” He looks at me with pain in his eyes. “I lied when I told you my story earlier. Or at least, I changed a few details. And I’m sorry—it was too painful to share. It’s still too painful.” He pauses and then forces the words out. “Lila was my daughter.”
I gasp. Of all the things I thought he might say, I wasn’t expecting that.
Tears fall freely from his eyes as memories roll through him. I wish I didn’t have to drag up so much pain to understand him more.
I grip his hand.
He takes a deep, shuttering breath, and then he continues. “It was during initiation. Iris and I were being initiated. Our daughter was ten months old. She was just starting to walk, and she had a laugh that made my heart sing every time I heard it. She was a beautiful little girl. She had my eyes and her mother’s dark hair.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.” I feel ashamed for asking him. I knew he was hiding something, and I didn’t want there to be any more secrets between us, but I never thought it would be something this painful. I can’t even imagine what he’s been through. I’m not sure how he shoulders it.
“I do. I want you to know.” Lennox looks me in the eyes. “We left Lila with Iris’s cousin for the week. And when we came back, Lila was gone.”
I can’t stay strong for Lennox. I can’t hold back my own tears. I sob, pulling Lennox into a hug. We both sob and sob and sob over the loss of his daughter until finally, I gather the strength to ask more questions.
“Who? How?”
“Her cousin took her swimming. She drowned. It was a fluke accident. I failed her. I should have been there to protect her. Instead, I was pretending I was strong at the initiation. That I was worthy of being a Retribution King when I should have been focused on being a father.”
“You didn’t fail her,” I say, touching his cheek.
He grips my hand, stopping me from comforting him. “Except, I did. I should have never agreed to the initiation. I shouldn’t have left her with anyone at such a young age.”
“It’s not your fault. It was a fluke accident. It could have happened to anyone. But it’s terrible all the same.”
“It’s my fault. I’ll never forgive myself.”
“And Iris?”
“She died of a broken heart, not during initiation like I said. Her immune system was weak, and she got sickness after sickness after losing Lila—until finally, her body couldn’t survive any longer. Her heart just gave out.”
“I’m so sorry, Lennox. If I could take away your pain, I would. No one should have to endure that.” I stare down at the box in my hand, even more racked with nerves than I was before.
He stares at the box too.
“You never confirmed you were pregnant?”
