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“Great,” I say as I nervously try to get on. He helps me up and I immediately regret it. This feels like I’m sitting on a missile that’s loaded up and ready to fire.
“Okay!” Carrie says with red cheeks and a flustered smile. “Who’s ready to go explore those mountains?”
We head out along the trail and I can’t focus on anything except staying on this horse. The spectacular mountainous views, the wildlife, the blooming flowers, the tall towering Aspen trees—they all get ignored as I cling to Thunderbolt’s tense back while gripping the reins like we’re about to jump over a river of lava.
The other newlyweds, Justin and Richard, are ahead of me on their gentle laid-back horses. “Did you see that guy’s arms?” Justin whispers to him. “I wonder if he intermittent fasts?”
“Nah, he’s just a real man,” Richard answers. “Those muscles are honed from the mountains, not from the gym.”
They start arguing about it and my mind goes back to that park ranger from last night. Were those muscles honed in the mountains as well? They certainly looked like it.
The guide, Carrie, is pointing out birds but it sounds like she’s making up half of them. “That’s a yellow peekacoo,” she says as she points at one in a tree. It darts off when the rain starts coming down.
It’s light at first, but pretty soon, it opens up.
Thunderbolt tenses even more.
“Anyone want to trade horses?” I ask as I nervously squeeze my thighs around his slick back.
No one answers. No one even turns around.
Something is going on with this horse. He keeps whipping his head around and making these strange noises. His eyes are big and buggy like he forgot to take his Xanax and is about to have a nervous breakdown.
“Anyone?” I ask.
The clouds get darker and Thunderbolt starts trying to get off the trail.
“Whoa!” I gasp as he heads for a steep drop. I yank the reins, desperately pulling him the other way with all I got. He makes a sound which I can only imagine is horse for ‘fuck you.’
“Are you okay?” Richard asks as he looks at me over his shoulder.
“Carrie!” I shout. “I need help!”
She’s busy fighting with the hood on her rain jacket, trying to get it over her head. “What?”
“This horse doesn’t look very—“
A bright flash of lighting slices the dark sky and a deep booming crack of thunder quickly follows. I feel it in my chest. It’s deafening.
Thunderbolt snaps. Full horsey meltdown.
I scream as the missile fires. He takes off in a full reckless uncontrolled sprint down the steep incline.
“What the fuck!!!” I scream as I white knuckle the reins while this crazy fuck of a horse rockets forward like his tail is on fire. My ass is bouncing off the wet slippery saddle as stinging rain pummels my face. I can’t see. I can’t breathe. All I can do is hold on and pray that he doesn’t launch me off and send me rolling down this mountain, breaking every bone on the way down.
“Stop!” I beg in a scream. “Please fucking stop!!”
I pull the reins, I squeeze my thighs, I beg, I cry, I try everything but this horse keeps running all out.
Just as we get to the bottom of the incline, another boom of thunder detonates over our heads. Thunderbolt gets a new burst of speed and takes off through the forest.
“Shit!” I scream as I duck out of the way of flying branches. He leaps over a rock and picks up speed, racing through the trees as I hold on for my life.
Tears mix with the rain pouring down my face.I’m going to die.
I’m going to die having never felt the love of a man’s arms around me. I’m going to die a virgin.
The thunder keeps coming and Thunderbolt keeps going.
