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“Foster brother.” Maggie shrugs. “Frenemy… domesticated delinquent… Take your pick.”
I nod. Alright, then. Sounds complicated.
“Don’t worry,” she adds. “He isn’t here a lot.”
“Thank fuck,” Silas mumbles, typing something with his thumbs.
Credence swats his thigh with the dish towel. “Watch your language, you. Or you’ll get an extra serving of sautéed tofu at supper.”
Silas grunts, glancing up long enough to snatch the last two gummy bears from the dish. “I’ll come with you.” He pops both gummies into his mouth. “Jax has a photography class or something ’till late.”
“Jackie’s his girlfriend,” Maggie explains. “You’ll meet her at some point. She’s cool. And surprisingly normal. Other than the fact that she chooses to date this crabby pattie.” She jerks her head in Silas’ direction and I can’t help grinning. Her insults are creatively awesome.
Silas flips her off, head dipped as he goes back to scrolling on his phone.
Credence sighs and curls her hand over his lewd gesture, pushing down to lower his arm. He stuffs his phone into his back pocket with his free hand, then follows her to the door without sparing us another glance.
“See you later, guys!” Credence calls. “Nice meeting you, Caroline!”
“Yeah, you too,” I answer. “See you Saturday.”
And I think I actually manage to sound normal.
I stay and talk for a few more minutes with Maggie and Hayden. He seems nice. And definitely a lot less intimidating than Silas. We talk mostly about board games, and they ask me where I go to school. They both go to Ocean Heights, and I’m worried when I tell them I go to SH Prep because there’s a lot of rivalry between the two schools. But they don’t seem bothered. They tell me Silas’s girlfriend, Jackie, goes to SH Prep. And they both have several friends who go there, as well. I don’t tell them I don’t really have any friends.
Even though they seem really nice, their confidence is intimidating, and I find myself questioning every sentence that comes out of my mouth. Because I suddenly realize, it would hurt even more to be put down by people I respect than people I don’t actually like. I think I’d crumble if I was shunned by someone like Maggie or Hayden. Or even that Silas guy.
After a while, Maggie explains the ropes to me: the system they use for cataloguing and signing out the board games, how payment works, taking group reservations, food orders, and that kind of thing. I’m sweating buckets as I follow her around, so on edge that I barely take in anything she’s telling me. I’m convinced she must notice. But Maggie just keeps smiling and talking to me as if I’m an actual normal human being.
About an hour later, she’s covered most of the important stuff and my brain is ready to burst with all the information and the stress of trying to act like I’m not more nervous about this whole job thing than I’ve been about anything before in my life. Hayden wanders over from where he’s been explaining Zombicide to a group of people at a long table by one of the windows.
“Your head must be spinning right now with the information overload.” He grins. “Trust me, it’s not nearly as much stuff to remember as it seems. Everyone’s pretty chill, here.”
Maggie shrugs. “I mean, we’re all board game nerds, right?”
I laugh self-consciously. “I’m sure it’ll all make sense after a few days.”
The cool breeze feels like heaven against my clammy skin when I exit Board and Brews, but I don’t stop to regulate my erratic breathing. Instead, I fast-walk down the sidewalk all the way to the parking lot, swiping at the tears that have started to slide down my cheeks, the saltiness stinging the corners of my eyes.
I am suddenly filled with so much anger—that an interaction that should have felt so normal and so positive and so easy, felt instead like some insurmountable, stressful performance. Despite the fact that they always seem to disappoint me, I still want to hang out with people my age without being so disturbingly aware,every single second, of the fact that I am hanging out with people my own age.
Sometimes it hurts, I want it so badly.
I hate what those SH Prep jerks have done to me. I hate that they’ve made me incapable of engaging in a normal social interaction without this horrible paranoia, worrying that I will say or do the wrong thing, my stomach twisted in knots and my thoughts reeling over how badly I’d rather be anywhere alone over being somewhere cool with people who seem like they might be cool, too. People who seem normal and really, really nice.
I hate that they have the power to make me doubt a sliver of happiness that finallyfeels within my reach, and that I believe might have the ability to lessen their hold on me.
I hate that I wanted this job so badly… and that now I actually have it; I am already considering all the reasons I want to back out of it.
Chapter Eight
Caroline
Myfamilyisoverthe moon when I tell them I got the job at Board and Brews, and they want to know every little detail about how everything went down. My mom asks me about twenty different questions about Sebastian, too, and how I know him and how I should invite him over again sometime. Honestly, it’s kind of hard seeing how excited they are about me interacting with anyone my own age, even though the people at Board and Brews were only being nice because I’m a new colleague, and Sebastian Murdoch was only engaging with me out of desperation to save his spot on his precious football team. And although they mean well—that they are team Caroline all the way—my family’s over the top desire to see me experience the most mundane, normal high school experiences just reinforces how sad my life really is.
I am feeling more positive about the job at Board and Brews the next morning, though. Still shocked and terrified, but more optimistic after a good night’s sleep, that Maggie and Hayden will continue being nice to me. They didn’t seem anything like all the jerks at SH Prep and I need to give them the benefit of the doubt.
When I brave the student center hallway to go to my locker after first period to get the new book we’re studying in English class, I am hit full force with Madison Jarvik’s payback for the embarrassment she blames me for on Friday in front of Xavier Rockwell.
