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What I’m about to tell you needs to stay between you and me. Once you’re done reading this letter, I want you to burn it. Then get on a plane and go to LA and become the best damn drummer the music industry has ever seen. Promise me, please. Do this for me. Nothing will bring me back, and I don’t want you to ruin your life because of him.
Glen. For the past several months, he’s been coming into the pool house when you’re not here and raping me. I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t I tell you? For a couple of reasons. One, I was scared of what you’d do. I know how much you love me and would do anything to protect me, and I couldn’t put you in that position. I went to my mom. I thought she would believe me and protect me like a mom is supposed to, but instead, she said that I’m sick and need help.
And then I heard them talking. You went to them and begged them to help me. God, I love you for that, but there’s no helping me because they don’t want to help me. They want me gone. Glen is planning to run for mayor, and he sees me as a loose string. He’s planning to send me away, and if you stand in his way, he’s going to ruin you. He’s rich and has connections, and I can’t let him ruin you like he’s ruined me…
“Fuck!” I bark out, fisting my hair. “No more!” I can’t hear the words in my head anymore. Can’t replay that fucking letter for the millionth time. I can’t finish her thoughts. Her confessions. I can’t finish the rest of the letter. For years, I’ve blocked the words out, and now they’re rushing back, filling my head and heart, and I can’t fucking do it.
I need to get high. I need to escape.
“Gage, what are you doing?” Sadie asks.
“I gotta go.”
“What? Where?”
“Out!” I snap as I throw on a shirt, grab my wallet, and then stalk out of the room and the apartment. I faintly hear Sadie calling my name. She’s confused since I’ve never gone anywhere without her, but I don’t stop. Because if I do, I might lose the guts to do what I need to do.
I failed my mom, failed Tori, and I have no doubt if I let Sadie in, I’ll fail her too. She’s been hurt enough, has lost enough. The last thing she needs is to be dragged down into hell with me.
I repeat those words to myself over and over again on my way to the club. I keep repeating them once I’m there and the manager escorts me to the VIP loft. The words play on loop as I snort line after line of coke. And it’s only once the needle enters my arm that the words as well as everything else finally go silent.
CHAPTER SIX
SADIE
Startling awake, I glance at the window, the darkness revealing that it’s either still nighttime or early morning. My hands glide across the sheets. Cold. Gage never came to bed. As I press the button on the remote to flash the time, a noise from the living room grabs my attention.
4:00 a.m.
After Gage freaked out and left, I tried to stay awake to wait for him. Because I don’t have a phone, nor do I know his number, I couldn’t call or text him. But at some point, I must’ve fallen asleep.
Another noise has me sliding off the bed and padding out to the living room to see if it’s him. His roommates, Declan and Braxton, are rarely home, and when they are, they spend most of their time in their rooms. I’ve only run into them a couple of times, but they seem like nice guys. When they’ve seen me, they smile and say hello, and despite feeling dead inside, I make it a point to smile and say hello back.
The noise gets louder, and I wonder if maybe someone is watching TV in the living room. I consider remaining in Gage’s room, not wanting to intrude, but my throat is dry, and I could use a bottle of water. Really, I want to see if it’s Gage. Maybe he came home and fell asleep on the couch. I don’t know what got into him before he left, but it’s so unlike Gage. During the short time I’ve known him, he’s always been so calm and collected. Not once has he ever raised his voice or freaked out the way he did last night.
When the noise increases, I decide to take my chances and go out there. Worst-case scenario, I turn around and come back to the room. But if Gage is sleeping on the couch, I want him to know he can come to bed. This is his place, after all, and if I’m honest with myself, I like sleeping with him. He makes me feel a little less alone, especially when he pulls me into his side and holds me until I fall asleep in his arms.
