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Antony glares at me as he sets his feet on the ground. “You’re supposed to be in class.”
I settle on making demands. I may be in hiding, but I’m still a queen. “I need you to find out what’s happening to Gabriel, if they’re charging him.”
“Even if I had that kind of power, I’m not using it on your pretty boy musician.” Antony dribbles a basketball along the edge of the court. I watch him with new eyes, searching for some sign that he’s this person Noah claims.
Did he crucify one of Brutus’ enemies?
If he’s in that deep with Brutus, what did Antony really do to make him go to ground?
Has Antony been lying to me this whole time?
But I can’t say anything without alerting him that Noah’s been at his club. Frustrated, I try the baby cousin routine, even though it probably hasn’t worked on Antony since I was seven.
“The thing is, I’m starting to wonder if you do have power.”
Antony snaps his head toward me. “What are you talking about?”
“Just some things I’ve noticed lately. You’re carrying a gun all the time. You’re at the club more than ever, and you’ve got an army of soldiers at your beck and call.” I put my hands on my hips. “Things have been different ever since you told me you took care of Brutus, that he’s left the city. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it doesn’t make sense. You’re a low-level soldier – what could you possibly have done to him? Where is he, really?”
Antony leans over, his nose inches from mine. He’s breathing heavy, and a vein above his eye throbs. I’ve seen him angry before, but I’ve never, ever felt that rage directed at me. I want to flinch away, but I won’t give him the satisfaction.
“Are you questioning me, cousin?” he sneers. “I’ve done everything to keep you safe, even after you recklessly bring the three stooges in on our secret. And you want to do something reckless again just because your poor pretty boy might have to spend a night in a cell?”
“This isn’t about Gabriel anymore.” My hands ball into fists. “It’s about you keeping things from me. We’re the only family we’ve got, Antony.”
“Did it occur to you I might be keeping things from you for your own good? Secrets can get you killed, Claws. Sometimes it’s better to be in the dark.”
“I disagree.” I fold my arms and glare right back.
Antony sighs. “I don’t know where Brutus is. If I knew, I’d have given you his head by now. I’m trying to find him, but I need to search each of his boltholes and feel out the allies who might be hiding him. I have to navigate this carefully – if I ask too many questions or piss off the wrong person, I lose my position in the family, which means we lose access to those assets.”
“You’re not supposed to have a position in the family.” Antony’s father is my mother’s brother. He’s not an August. “You’ve supposed to run the Colosseum and be Brutus’ errand boy. That’s it. That’s what we agreed. That’s the only way you’ll be able to escape this life.”
“Things change.” Antony’s jaw clenches. “You’ve been swanning around that mansion eating caviar and rescuing stray cats. You don’t know shit about the real world. If Brutus tells me to do something, I can’t say, ‘sorry, I promised Claudia August I wouldn’t get involved.’ The only reason you’ve managed to stay hidden all these years is because I’ve kept him on a leash, and I needed to grow close to him to do that. I needed him to trust me. It’s the only way I could have got him out of the city. Unfortunately for us, he took my advice too well and didn’t tell me where he’s hiding.”
It all makes sense now. Antony made it sound as if Brutus had left in fear of what Antony would do to him – instead, he convinced Brutus he was in danger, and the rat scampered into a hole to hide. “Why lie to me, then? Why make me think you weren’t still in Brutus’ pocket?”
“I didn’t lie. I said he skipped town to save his ass, and that’s true. I let you make assumptions so you wouldn’t go blabbing to your boyfriends and get us into even deeper shit.”
I bite my lip. I want to defend the guys, but Antony has a point. Things had gone from weird to worse since I invited them into my life. My head spins as the full impact of what he’s saying hits me. “You can’t lie to me, Antony. You can’t. I know the guys are a complication, but they can be an asset, too. Noah has connections of a different kind, and Gabriel… well maybe Gabriel is just pretty to look at. We’re too close to fuck this up by keeping things from each other.”
He squeezes me tight against him – a brutal embrace, the only kind we know how to have. “All of this has been to keep you safe.”
“I know. And I love you for it.” My throat closes around the words. I hate that he’s been holding all of this on his own shoulders. I hate that I’ve been hiding inside Malloy Manor when I should have been at his side. “But I’m not a little kid anymore. Don’t hide the truth from me because it’s ugly.”
“I don’t think you were ever a little kid.” Antony dares a smile.
Not since that night. I dig my nails into his skin as the chains on my box of memories rattle free. “Did you know Brutus was the—”
“No.” Antony snaps off the word. It’s hard, final. Relief floods me. My knees give out, and I sink into him. He catches me in his arms before I can fall to the floor. I can feel his heart beating against mine. A chain slides free before I can stop it, and a memory slams into me.
After it happened, I picked the lock on my bedroom door and crept down the hall. Antony’s parents were at my father’s party downstairs, so Antony was staying over for the night in one of our guest rooms. I pushed open the door and tried to climb in bed beside him. He saw the blood dripping down my thighs. I thought I needed to be held, but Antony knows me better than I know myself. He threw a jacket over my shoulders and snuck me out of the house. We walked to the Colosseum, deserted now, silent except for the ghosts of the roaring crowds pounding in my ears. Or maybe that was my monster baying for blood.
I’d never been inside the club before – it was where Antony hung out when he wasn’t at school or with me, learning martial arts from the fighters who trained there during the day. Antony took me into the cage where they held the fights. I breathed in the blood-soaked air and felt my own blood drying on my skin. Everything innocent and good in me was swallowed up by the monster’s fury.
All night Antony stood still as a statue while I punched him, kicked him, screamed at him, tore out his hair. I clawed the skin on his chest into ribbons, mingling his blood with mine until the monster was sated.
Antony knows me. He’s always been here for me. And to think that for a moment I doubted—
