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Only, I know he’s not as simple as that. When we fucked in the panic room, Noah believed I was Mackenzie. I was the person he hated most in the world, and he buried his dick inside me and he made me come and he—
How did my life get so fucking complicated?
After dinner, Gabriel catches my arm as I head to my room. “You slept with Marlowe,” he cocks his eyebrow at me. His eyes are pure starlight – as if his body is made of the same magic as his music.
“Very astute.” He’s more coherent than he was a few hours ago, but the alcoholic haze swims in the corners of his eyes. “I’ve never seen you drunk before.”
Gabe giggles. He sounds maniacal, like a creepy clown. “No, you haven’t. Because here’s the thing you don’t know about me, Claudia. Here’s my big secret that I’ve been oh so good at keeping, just like you. I haven’t touched alcohol since Dylan died.”
That doesn’t make sense. “I’ve seen you drink. You had rainbow cocktails at Midnight Grotto, and those gross pink things at Daphne’s party.”
“The bartender at Midnight Grotto knows to only serve me non-alcoholic drinks. As for the pink thing, I dumped it onto Chad’s head when you weren’t looking.” Gabriel grins. “It was a much better use for the disgusting thing. What a travesty to the art of mixology.”
That gets a little snort of laughter out of me. “So why haven’t you been drinking? And what does that have to do with you being drunk now?”
Why do I remind you of your dead best friend?
“I spent so much of my last tour plastered off my face that I didn’t see what was happening to Dylan until it was too late. I could have saved him. I could have… been a friend. But I don’t know a thing about friendship. So consider this your warning. All my life, people pretend to care about me because they want something from me, and sometimes I can’t face the loneliness. Alcohol is like this shield between me and the world, except that it also shielded me from the one person who tried to love me for myself. I tried to be good. I tried to live with the loneliness, because I owe Dylan that. I fucking owe him…” Gabriel lurches forward, slamming his hand into the wall to catch himself before he knocks me over.
“Gabe…” I squeeze my eyes shut. It’s hard to look at him like this. That’s the most honest thing he’s said to me since we met, and he’s drunk. We can’t do this now when he’s like this. It’s not fair on either of us.
“No, you have to hear this. You have to…” Gabe’s voice rises. He sounds panicked. “When you walked into school that first day, I saw… okay, so I saw your shaggable arse, but also, there’s this defiance in your eyes. You were staring into the same abyss I face every single day, only it doesn’t scare you. You welcome it. I wanted to know what that was like, to have that kind of strength.”
I try to say something, but Gabriel holds a finger against my lips. His skin burns mine, and the starlight in his eyes takes on an ethereal translucency. Behind it is Gabriel’s soul – beautiful and weeping and made of scar tissue. “We never talked about what the Midnight Grotto was. About what it meant to you. And now you’re sleeping with Marlowe. Is it because I didn’t—”
I shake my head. “Gabe, it’s okay. We never said anything about being exclusive. I’m not under any illusions about what that night at the grotto meant. It was sex. It doesn’t have to be anything more.”
“But you want it to be something more,” he purrs. His hand brushes my nipple, and my breath hitches as he draws me into that dark and delicious magic he weaves oh so well.
“I know the score. You’re a rockstar. You go on tour and—”
“That wasn’t the question.” His voice takes on this dangerous edge that sets my body on fire. My nipple hardens under his touch.
“I—”
“What I’m trying to say, Claudia, is that I don’t care if you want to jump up and down on Marlowe’s cock.” Gabriel tries to smile, but it’s all wobbly and broken. “I’ve heard it’s a magnificent specimen. I wouldn’t mind a go myself. I know I’m not enough for you, that Marlowe gives you something I can’t. Eli too, if he pulls his head out his arse long enough to admit his feelings. That doesn’t bother me, because I know for one night I held you in my arms and saw the stars reflected in your eyes. I want you to know that as of right now, the ladies of Emerald Beach are weeping because Gabriel Fallen is officially off the market. As far as I’m concerned, you’re more than enough for me.”
Well… fuck.
I can’t deal with this.
I can’t deal with Gabriel Fallen pouring out his messy, broken soul when I’m already so raw and broken myself.
He leans in, tucking his finger under my chin to tilt my head up. I fall into his scarred soul as his lips brush mine in a kiss that tastes of starlight and raindrops, of hope and regret. It’s a kiss that forms a hard lump in my throat even as it melts my body into a puddle.
It takes everything I have to break that kiss and back away from Gabriel. The magic that draws us together sings between our bodies – a song that plucks our secrets from the very air. Tonight, I didn’t need kisses. I want to be held, to believe that I can have happiness even though I’m a fraud. But I can’t show that weakness, not after all three boys have already stripped me bare of my armor. So I swallow and say, “I need to be alone tonight.”
“Claudia—”
Before I say something I’ll regret, before the tears stinging my eyes threaten to fall, I rip myself from the arms of a fallen angel and flee to my room. I lock my door behind me.
Gabriel
Gggggfofdsfdfeeeeee…
Bed is squishy.
Vodka is lovely.
