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“You’re not thinking straight, Alicia. It could be dangerous. These people would use anything they have to hurt me—including you. And the baby …”
“The baby is why I need to come with you.”
“I said no, and I mean no!”
His eyes were blazing with anger, and he stood defensively now. He didn’t want me to come closer, to stand near him. But I couldn’t help but come closer, because now I was angry too.
“You wanted me to be a part of your life, and now you think you can throw me out. Well, I’m done, Jake. I’m done being someone you can throw away when you don’t need them.”
“Alicia, it’s not like that. I have money, I have connections, I can …”
“What? Provide for me? It doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t willing to stand by my side!”
“I want to do that, I want to—”
“Well, I don’t want you to! Not anymore!”
When I heard the words leave my mouth, I was shocked. I heard my voice echo around the high ceilings of Jake’s apartment. It was drizzling outside, and on the enormous, floor-to-ceiling glass windows of the apartment, tiny droplets of rain were beginning to settle and fall like tears.
I went to push Jake, to shove him away in one final move of rejection. But I stumbled as I did, and he caught me. My hands rested on his enormous chest, and I looked up into his blazing, green eyes.
Then we were kissing, angrily and passionately. I reached up inside the shirt he was wearing with one hand and took hold of him, letting my nails dig deep into his flesh. I wanted to mark him because, somehow, I knew this was the last time.
In return, Jake let loose the caged animal inside his heart. He gripped me, closing his hand around my arm tight, and pulled me in by the waist. His mouth traced its path to my shoulder, where he kissed and bit me, and I moaned softly, happy that I could be noticed by him.
Jake pushed me to his sofa, but I howled and moaned against the pressure of his limbs, making him force me. I wanted him to force me—wanted him to know that though I might need him, might need his heat and the scent of his body, I hated him, I’d always hated him somehow, and as he leaned over me and continued to tear me with his teeth, I sighed happily, more content to be savaged by him than saved.
His hand gripped the waistband of my sweatpants I’d been wearing and pulled them down, and I kicked a little as he exposed the bare flesh of my legs. He bent low and kissed my knees, and my thighs, and as he did, my hands reached for the hair on his head. But rather than caressing it, I yanked it this time, pulling his mouth toward my pussy so I could feel him taste me.
Jake obliged, not tender but cruel and rough. As soon as his tongue had traced over my clit he took it in his lips and sucked, and I wailed, half in pain, half in pleasure. I felt my thighs tremble a little bit as he resumed his course, and tested my wetness with a pair of his fingers.
I yelped from the shock of it. Slowly, Jake lifted himself up until he lay on top of me, face to face with me, while his index and middle fingers explored inside of me. He angled them upward, and I swooned, throwing my head back and opening my mouth to simper with delight. But Jake put his hand on my mouth to keep me quiet and carried on stimulating my g-spot for a little while.
I might have told myself I hated him, but my body betrayed me, showing me the lust he’d inspired in me, lust that no ordinary man ever could. So much so that I found myself whispering something behind his hand.
“What?” said Jake, angrily, withdrawing his hand.
“I said,” I whispered, with a tear in my eye, “fuck me, you bastard.”
Jake sneered and unzipped his pants. He pulled them off and, kneeling on the sofa, produced his enormous erection. I lovingly traced my hand over it, marveling at how much he wanted me, how visible his desire was.
I guided him in, but I hardly needed to, I was so wet. By now Jake was practically snarling at me. “I hate you,” he said, as he thrust hard inside of me, shaking my loins.
“I hate you,” I said, pulling him closer, not wanting to let him go.
As he settled into a rhythm, I realized Jake was fucking me harder and faster than he ever had before. Mixed in with the sheer, earth-shaking pleasure of it was a sweet kind of hurt, knowing that he didn’t care, and I didn’t care, that we were done with each other, and this sex sealed the deal. As he fucked me, I drew him close and moaned and whimpered against his shoulder, kissing and biting it in equal measure, where my mouth left dark, purple roses on his skin.
I felt him coming to his climax, and I smiled triumphantly as Jake came inside of me. I felt it and almost instinctively I spasmed, shocked by how much he’d given me.
Afterward, I lay there for a while, savoring his weight on top of me one last time, and realized there were tears in my eyes.
Itwasafternoon,andthe rain was pouring now. I looked out through the window, across the city. Jake sat on the sofa, pulling on his clothes. He didn’t look at me as I raised myself up from the daze our mad hate sex had left me in.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I looked at him. I did want to talk—or some part of me did. But it felt like that part was far away right now. And I was right here, feeling empty, lost.
“I’m done talking,” I said. I had nothing left to say to him.
