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Max stroked Darcy’s damp hair from her face and wondered how this woman had figured out so much about him in such a short time when he and Eva hadn’t understood each other after years together. But then being with Darcy moved him in a way he could have never anticipated, even in his deepest fantasy. And his fantasies about her had been mighty awesome.
And as much as he wanted to lose himself in her again, he also knew her concerns deserved an honest answer. He’d put off sharing for long enough. There was no excuse now.
“You asked me how I felt about Eva wanting me to get out of the CIA. And I said I didn’t know why… But I’m not sure that’s true.” Max ran his hands along Darcy’s arm, stopped to cup her hip through the sheet. Would he be able to do any better by this woman? “I didn’t love her enough.”
“Perhaps she didn’t love you enough.”
He went completely still. “Run that one by me again?”
Darcy tucked the sheet higher under her arms. “Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, or maybe I’m just being judgmental because I’m jealous of her right now. But it seems to me you never asked her to change herself to be with you.”
Her words rolled over him, seeping deeper. He would never reconcile not having been able to save Eva. It had been just a regular swim that day, since she’d already started her paperwork to leave the Agency—a swim that went wrong after they’d made it through so many ops together unscathed.
No, he would always have to live with her death. But Darcy’s words reached him. Yes, he and Eva had both tried to make the relationship work. He may not have loved Eva enough, but he’d done the best he could then by her in life. Maybe with time he could accept that much.
Darcy winced. “Of course, now I’m realizing what a pain in the butt I must have been about my luau socialization invitation.”
Max looped her dog tags around his finger and tugged her closer, nose to nose. “There’s a big difference between asking a guy to quit the CIA and pushing him to hang out at a party.”
Sitting up, Darcy tugged her chain free. “I wasn’t angling for anything with that comment. No need to feel pressured into thinking I expect more from tonight than we had.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He wanted more—and more again, even out of bed when they had their clothes on. He wanted more time with her.
“I understand about adrenaline letdown. We both almost died this week.” She wrapped her arms around her knees and pleated the sheet between her fingers. “We’re…friends…so the stress is doubled.”
Shock sucker punched him. Max sat up and turned her to face him. “You’re kicking me out of your bed.”
“I’m telling you that you can leave.”
“Maybe I don’t want to leave you.”
Her fists punched the mattress, pulling the sheet taut against her breasts. “I’m being straight with you. Don’t play mind games with me.”
“I’m not the one playing here, Darcy. You’re the one who’s running scared.”
She jabbed a finger in his face. “Don’t you ever, ever call me a coward.”
“Then why are you so scared to have a conversation with me?”
He stared into her unblinking eyes and couldn’t stop the replay of those same eyes sliding closed with pleasure as water streaked down her face. Why was he pushing this? He should just flip her on her back and slide into her until they both couldn’t think, much less talk.
Darcy looked away. She rolled from the bed and to her feet, taking the sheet with her. She scooped her boots off the floor and dropped them into the closet.
She knelt to tug his T-shirt from under the bed. “We are talking.”
No they weren’t. He was losing his mind while she played Molly Maid. “We’re not talking. You’re asking questions. Poking and prodding at my past. You talk and talk but you never share even one piece of yourself.”
Darcy shot to her feet and nailed him with angry eyes. “I told you about my father, and look what you did with that information. You used it against me.”
“Okay. I deserve that.” He pitched aside the light-weight blanket and sat on the edge of the bed. “But I think I also deserve a little slack because keeping you alive seemed more important at the time.”
Her stormy face calmed, his T-shirt dangling from her hands. “What about later? After I learned the facts and wasn’t operating in the dark. You could have given me the choice whether to stay or go. Except you didn’t trust that I would make the right decision. You didn’t trust that I can protect myself.”
He grabbed the trailing hem of his T-shirt in her grip and tugged her forward until she stood between his knees. She’d demanded he open up to her and she better reciprocate now that she’d unlocked the floodgates. He wasn’t hanging out on top of this wave alone. “Why is being able to protect yourself so important? You still haven’t told me.”
“You know why.” Her gaze never faltered, but her skin chilled against the embrace of his thighs. “You’ve read my file.”
“That’s not the same asyoutelling me.” His hand grazed up to palm her neck. His thumb stroked her soft cheek.
