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Huh. Suddenly I was glad Tartarus was invisible. It made him much less intimidating to talk to.
“Do you remember me, the Spirit of Dreams?” she asked, her voice smooth and yet a little haunting.
“Um, no. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It is a good thing you don’t remember me, a miracle even. Perhaps there is hope for you yet. I am Nyx.”
“Why is he here?” Tartarus asked her, his tone far grumpier than it had been with me.
“You know why.”
“You said it would be a woman.”
“I underestimated my Spirit of Dreams,” Nyx replied affectionately. “Why not him? The prophecy was delivered to both of them. Why should he not snatch that thread of fate before it could touch the one he loved? There is a tragic sort of romance in there. Perhaps one that feels familiar to you, Tartarus.”
Tartarus made a rumbling growl noise that had me feeling the teensiest bit insecure about sitting in the palm of his hand.
“I only agreed tolistento what the girl had to say, nothing else. And this is not the girl. I did not agree to this.”
“Maybe I can help a little with that. You see, Dare—another one of my love’s soul bonds who is apparently a friend of mine—was planning on coming here, but Hecate told me he was going todieif he did, and while I can’t remember him at all, I obviously couldn’t let that happen. I don’t know him or Grace or anything that is going on up there, but maybe Dare was trying to take Grace’s place to spare her the same way I took his place to spare him? And maybe that’s how love works?”
There was a sudden swooping sensation, and I realized I was heading for the ground, but Tartarus seemed to be heading down with me. Was he… sitting on the ground? The way I was sitting on his hand? It was very unsettling not knowing what he looked like.
“You want to save loved ones you don’t even remember?”
“It sounds weird when you say it like that,” I agreed. “The thing is, Dare promised to save me if I ended up in the underworld, and that doesn’t seem like the kind of promise you’d make for just anyone, you know? That sounds like a good friend who really had my back, and I definitely don’t want a guy like that to die. Besides, I’m a bit dead already, so it really makes more sense for me to jump into the mystery pit, like, on a logistical level.”
“Do you actually knowwhyyou’re here?” Nyx asked slowly. “What you’re meant to be doing?”
“Well… Okay, no. Not exactly. But I’ll do whatever it takes to protect the people I don’t remember caring about.”
It was very unnerving being the focus of such intense attention by two very much not-human beings. Their stares felt weighty, and while I’d come down here just to help my forgotten friend, it was all starting to feel a lotbiggerthan that.
“What if they are not who you think they are?” Tartarus asked quietly. “Perhaps you do this for them, and go back to them in triumph, only to discover that it was your sacrifices that had made you useful to begin with, notyou.”
Nyx was silent, and a calm sense of purpose came over me. I didn’t know why exactly I was here, but I was guessing it had something to do with this. This conversation, this moment, this shared fear.
What if my friends and my loves forgot about me the way I forgot about them? Worse, what if theydidn’t, and by disappearing from their lives, I’d caused them some kind of pain? In coming here, I’d accepted the risk that I may never return to them, that I may get stuck in the underworld forever. That decision might hurt those I’d once cared about, or maybe they’d be relieved thattheydidn’t have to come down here and they’d never think of me again? My brain kept flip-flopping between terrible outcomes, trying to figure out which one was the worst option.
“I’m very worried about that, actually. How did you know?”
“We’re talking about you,” Tartarus replied sharply.Right, right, got it.Sore spot. I blew out a long breath, trying to focus on the positive.
“Well… I figure I’d rather assume the best intentions and be wrong than assume the worst intentions and be wrong. And if I’m super lucky and find my way back to them someday, and it turns out they’re total assholes, I’ll still have made it back. I can start over.”
“And if you don’t?”
I shrugged. “I don’t remember my life before anyway.”
“Perhaps it is good you are here. You, with your empty mind and strange hopefulness. You are unburdened by the realities of your situation because you are too uninformed to understand it.”
“Um… Yeah. I guess so,” I agreed hesitantly, trying to decide if he was insulting me or not. Nyx was just quietly watching, saying nothing, so maybe she agreed that it was a good thing that my head was so empty.Cool, cool, cool.
“We are going for a walk,” Tartarus announced. I grabbed onto his palm, steadying myself as best I could as he rose. “To the very depths of my realm where no mortal has visited before. Nyx will not be joining us.”
“As you wish,” she murmured, stepping away. “You have already accomplished more than you know, the Spirit of Dreams. Sometimes, just making the decision is half the battle.”
“Okay.” I really wished someone would just sit me down and explain what the fuck was going on. “See you later, I guess.”
