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“I did scare him.” I felt it, and it felt good. But then Rogue once compared Alec to a snake and snakes strike when they feel threatened. “You still need to be careful. All of you.”
“I need to go. Need to pick Rogue up before he gets any bright ideas." His cheeks hollow and harden. “He’s not doing well. Not drunk enough to be left alone either. But I had to check on you. I feel responsible.”
Of course he does. That’s who he is. Who they all told me he is. Once you’re in, he’s protective. It doesn’t matter now though. Rogue made it clear where he stands with me. I’m not his girl. I’m not Rebel’s problem. I don’t expect him to keep our truce when his brother hates me.
He yanks open the front door. Holds it as he peers out. His brow is like two thunderclouds over the squall of his eyes. “You’ll have journalists and photographers on your doorstep soon. Hiding in your bushes. Jumping in front of your car.”
“I should give Rogue back the car.” I shouldn’t keep it. Even if he had Jaffa crushed into a cube. It was such an exorbitant gift. It was too much then. But now… every time I look at it. Get in it. Drive. I’ll think of him… miss him. I can feel it. Hate it.
“No. You keep it. At least…” He blows out his cheeks. Makes a face. “I’m aware of how this sounds coming from me, after what happened at the Bilsons’ last summer, but don’t make a rash decision.”
I’d told him about that night. When he’d barged into the apartment after Alec had left. I’d needed him to understand I wasn’t the bad guy. Explained to him I’d recorded their words, well, Alec’s threats, as I’d run shaking fingers over my phone screen to start the recording I’d just taken. He’d believed me even though all I got that time was static.
“Just be careful,” he warns. “After last night they will work out who you are. They’ll want that story. The money shot. You’re not just his little sister or Rogue’s mystery girl. You’re right in the fucking middle of this war. It’s scandalous and there is nothing those vultures love more.”
“I know.” I gulp. I’ve avoided being the focus of attention so long, only to thrust myself right into the spotlight for love. And now it’s over with Rogue but that won’t stop the media.
“I’m going to see what I can do about arranging you a bodyguard.”
“That’s not necessary.” His concern is touching but I can’t take that kind of charity from him. Not when Rogue is so furious with me. I can’t afford to let Rebel damage their relationship for me. Or because of Alec. “I’ll manage.”
“He’s a loose cannon, Ivy. You could be in danger,” Rebel tells me, like it’s something I don’t know about my brother.
Alec has tortured me for as long as I can remember. That isn’t going to change. “He’ll just wait until we decide I don’t need protection anymore before he reminds me of where he thinks my place is.”
He grumbles under his breath. Shakes his head. “I’ll talk to Rogue. Give it time. He loves you.”
I’m not sure it’s enough to undo the damage as I shut the door and the silence settles over me like the heaviest of blankets. Tears prick my eyes and my footsteps echo as I walk through the empty apartment into Narnia.
I was so scared of being devastated and completely alone that I was willing to do anything to keep it from happening. Yet I’ve never been more alone.
The wardrobe is almost finished. Shoes have been polished to a shine. Clothes have been pressed. Bags have been wiped free of dust and fingerprints. Wigs have been cleaned and coiffed. Everything is organized perfection. Only a few odds and ends need to find new homes. I need to clean up my sewing area too. And then… I don’t know.
There’s no Danica Garfield without Adira, and I wouldn’t want there to be. He’s always supported me in my passions. Always encouraged me to better my skills and push myself harder. He helped me fight for me when I couldn’t. How do I do any of this without him?
So Narnia can wait. Danica too. Until I can work out how to make it right with Adira. I drop onto the ottoman and sink my fingers into the ridiculously pink and fluffy material that he just had to include in his dream closet. Curl my shoulders to my ears as they shake and the tears fall.
I was so scared of opening my heart and letting someone in, giving them the ability to hurt me, that I hurt everyone I loved. What am I supposed to do with that?
How can I ever fix it?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Rogue
“You didn’t have to come tonight.” Summer sits beside me with my hand between both of hers. She’s wearing a white and silver dress that flares at her hips and ends at her knees. Her red hair is brushed out and gleams under the lights.
No, I didn’t have to come to this lame party thrown by some executive producer or wannabe director or whatever that lives in Malibu. I didn’t need to show up to please her or the cameras outside.
I could have stayed home. Could have wallowed in the pain in my chest and what a pathetic idiot I was for falling for Ivy. I have no interest in lessening the hurt. Or cooling the anger.
I tip the thick cut glass to my lips and inhale a mouthful of the tawny liquid. It tastes smokey and rich and burns on its way down. “I’m here to support Ro. And my brothers. If I’d stayed home it would have looked like I gave a shit.”
“But you did…” She wrinkles her nose. “Give a shit.”
“Yeah, well that was yesterday.” I swish the half inch of liquid in my glass. I need a refill. Need a cigarette too. As hard as I try to give them up every now and then I succumb. Right now I’m on my second pack since I told Ivy we were through.
She’d seemed so innocent. Traumatized. Genuine.
