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I feel them…the drugs pumping through my system…starting to work…my muscles growing lethargic and heavy. Something in my brain snaps. The quiet inside me…this part of me that is trying to save me…it demands I fight.
“What are you doing?” I push at him, but I don’t have power over my muscles. They refuse my brain’s commands completely, lying lax and ineffective.
He climbs to his feet, scoops me up like I’m nothing. A doll he’s broken.
I punch at him, but my blows are pathetic and make him chuckle.
“Quiet, Ivy,” he tells me. “You were so much more agreeable last time.”
My mind, which seems to hover just outside my body, clings to what he said. “Last time?”
He puts me down on the floor in front of the fluffy, pink ottoman.
My head lolls to the side, making the photo of me and Adira straight for the very first time. Will I ever see my bestie again? Will I ever see Rogue? My tongue is thick in my mouth. “Alec, tell me.”
He sits behind me. Cages me in on both sides with his knees so I don’t fall. Shifts around so that he can reach into his pocket. Pulls out a blade. Not a knife, but the kind of blade from a cardboard cutter or an old school razor. “You wanted to take the pills. You needed them. You were a greedy little bitch.”
“The pills?” What pills? The only pills were the sleeping pills the doctor prescribed after dad died. The sleeping pills? I wasn’t well. I’m better now. I wouldn’t do that again.
“Ever wonder how you ended up in the bathtub?” he asks, like we’re having a run of the mill conversation and not talking about one of the darkest days of my life.
“I…I…wasn’t well.” The alcohol didn’t mix well with the medication. That day, that moment is so fuzzy, sometimes it feels like my memory is based on what I was told happened.
He picks up my arm, lifts it over my head. His fingers slide up my forearm toward my wrist. I feel them, but I don’t. I’m aware in the same way I would be aware if it were happening to someone else entirely. My mind is edging in. Growing sluggish. He picks up my other hand, puts something between my fingers and forces me to hold onto the thin, flat shape.
I’m so heavy. I can’t… I shake my head, trying to keep the dark at bay. My words slur together. “I fell ‘sleep.”
“You were asleep when I put you in the water,” he says as pain slices into my wrist. Something hot laps at my skin as it runs down my forearm. My arm tumbles down onto my lap. A slash of crimson mars the pale flesh and starts to drip onto the carpet.
“I’m going to die, aren’t I?” I don’t want to leave Rogue believing that I wasn’t with him until the very end.I love you, Rogue. I love you so much. I will never stop. If I could go back, I’d do everything differently. I wouldn’t waste a moment by keeping all those stupid secrets.
A burning sensation slices through my other wrist before he drops that one on my lap too. His lips move to my ear. “You should have stayed at the retreat, Ivy. You were safe there. Out of the way. But no, you had to find your spine. You tried to ruin my life too. My own flesh and blood chose my enemy over me.”
“You’re a monster,” I whimper.
“No.” He moves his leg from my left side and I fall until I hit the carpet. The bloodied blade bounces on the floor in front of my eyes. I fixate on it. The object is so real in the midst of horror. His gloves snap as he takes them off. He shoves them in his pocket. His fingertips tap, tap, tap on his phone screen. “I’m not a monster. They are. Rebel stole my career from me. It took me years to break out after he took my role. A nobody from nowhere took what should have been mine. My role. My awards. My accolades.”
“That’s what…”
“Rochelle Kitt was mine too. She was supposed to be with me. We were going to be the power couple to beat. Do you have any idea of the empire I could have built, with her beside me?” He groans. “Of course, you don’t get it.”
“Tell me.” I’m growing hoarse, each word taking more effort to get out.
“Rebel stole my life. My career. My girl. And then they pretended like they deserved this life. They don’t. It was mine. He didn’t even want Rochelle Kitt.” He stops talking and nudges me with his foot. “When she picked him, even though he didn’t want her, I had to punish her.”
“Rape her.”
“Don’t you see? This is their fault.” He moves about the room.
“I’m going to die… because you’re a… monster.”
He crouches next to me. Brushes my hair away from my face as he smiles. My glasses are in his hands, and he unfolds the arms and slides them onto my face. “Oh no, little sister. You were so devastated by what happened with Rogue Maddox that you came home and decided to end it. By the time I found you… called an ambulance… got you help… it was too late.”
“Rogue will figure it out…” I’m so tired. All I want to do is go to sleep. But I fight it because of Rogue. I have to hold on. “He’ll come after you.”
“You’re not well, Ivy Love. You haven’t been in quite some time. He’ll be sad, but he won’t be surprised by this.” He tips his head to the side and studies me. “You should have told him at the start. He would have believed you.”
“He will…come after… you.” I close my eyes. So tired, can’t fight anymore.
