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“It’s a little more complicated than that,” I admit as I move on to plucking at a thread on my jeans. My brother had also texted me. And I’d freaked out.
He captures my hand, stopping my fidgets. “So explain it to me.”
“I guess I was just overwhelmed.” At least that much is true. “Everything happened so quickly. I’m used to keeping to myself, and I’d told you so much at that point… It was my mom that called, but it wasn’t because she called that I hid it. I’m probably not making any sense.”
“Keep going.”
“I have Adira. He knows everything about me because we grew up together. And I’m lucky that way. But it doesn’t mean that it’s easy for me to share all my weaknesses and doubts and flaws.” I glance out the window and expel the air from my lungs. “I lied because I didn’t want to admit that I was scared. All of a sudden you knew who I really was.” And if that wasn’t enough to scare him, then surely being Alec’s sister will.
“Baby, I think you’re a fighter.”
He’d said that at the time. “It’s not so easy to find that belief in myself.”
“Then let me tell you. As many times as you need to hear it. Let me remind you that the confidence you show when you’re Uma is inside you. Let me nurture that ember until it becomes the kind of spark that starts a wildfire. You’re a fighter, but it’s okay to need someone to fight for you too. I’m going to be that guy, okay?”
I love you.I don’t say it out loud because it seems wrong to tell him how I feel and keep the very thing that could ruin us from him. But I do…love him. With all my heart and soul. With every part of me. I only wish things weren’t so complicated.
His breath is a pained groan leaving his lungs. His knuckles turn a shade paler as he grips the steering wheel more tightly. “Ivy, I need this from you. I can’t—”
“Okay,” I say quickly. Of course I was always going to agree. I was just distracted by my feelings for him.
“Okay?”
“Yes.”
His face morphs with his smile as he slides a hand around the back of my neck and pulls me in for a quick kiss before his focus is once more on the road.
Chapter Four
Ivy
His apartment is a tower.
Thirty stories up to be exact. Filled with stainless steel and camel-colored leather. White glossy tiles brighten the whole place like it’s lit from beneath. Pops of color in cushions and art don’t surprise me any more than the huge movie posters in the lobby when we entered.
“Can I get you a drink?” He leaves me in the middle of a living space so expansive I don’t think Adira could ever fill it with his costumes no matter how hard he tried.
The sky has darkened, leaving the huge windows to seem like they’re looking over into an abyss. I find myself drawn to the view. Removing my bag from across my body, I put it down on a long glass console. “That would be great.”
“Whisky? Wine? Or do you want something non-alcoholic while we order dinner?”
“Whatever you’re having.”
His disembodied voice floats from the kitchen. “That could be dangerous.”
The view below is phenomenal. The city is burning under all these lights. They scatter toward the edges. Become pin pricks of light much like stars. It makes it feel like we’re even higher up. In an impenetrable fortress where no one can reach us. If that feeling wasn’t enough there’s also a security detail on the ground floor.
“Here.” He hands me a glass with an inch of clear liquid in it. The glass has a round bottom that cradles nicely in my palm. Like a wine glass without a stem. I lift it to my mouth and inhale to see if I can tell what it is.
“Water.” He slips an arm around my waist and pulls me toward him. “You can drink if you want to. I certainly won’t stop you. I have a full bar. But I’m not making that choice for you. So if you want something ask for it.”
“Water is good,” I say. “Your view is fantastic. Do you really not stay here?”
“I…used to.” He moves to a leather lounger that faces the wall of windows and sits down heavily. “When I first bought the place. And then…”
He looks a little queasy before he swallows whatever thought made him feel that way. He places his glass on a small table that holds a lamp and an e-reader. The cup tips, but somehow magically stops before a drop spills. The lip of the cup stays at a forty-five degree angle like it’s held in place by an invisible force. “Then Rebel went to prison.”
He doesn’t need to fill me in on the missing details. Something happened to Rochelle Kitt and it was all my brother’s fault. My heart hurts and I press my lips together. I didn’t believe Alec for a moment when he said he didn’t hurt Ro. I just can’t prove it.
