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Not anymore. That version of Ivy is fading. I’m stronger now. I’m realizing what I am capable of. He shouldn’t underestimate me, but he will. I’ll use that to my advantage.
I take a deep breath. “Okay. I-I’ll bring you something better next time.”
“Good,” he says. “I’ll see you soon.”
I reverse out of the driveway so fast Jaffa wobbles precariously before I change gears. Palm trees dapple the light from overhead as I drive away. My knuckles are white and my breath is shaky.
It doesn’t matter how much distance I put between us or how much tougher I am, interacting with Alec leaves me chilled. And the idea that I told him anything about Rogue and Rebel feels like I’m betraying them.
Even if I have no choice. Eventually Rogue will find out. It’s inevitable. Will he see it that way when he does? Or will he feel like I deceived him?
It isn’t until the icky sensation starts to abate that I pull over and drop my head on the steering wheel. My pulse slows down as the adrenaline that was pumping through my blood starts to leave me. I reach for my phone. My gaze roves the messages that come up when I light the screen.
Rogue: Thinking about your panties on my floor right now is the only thing sparking joy. Can’t wait to have you all to myself again.
Dr. Keller’s Office: Your appointment has been scheduled…
Ben: Still on for coffee?
Mom: Since you’re such a brat and couldn’t take time out of your busy schedule to meet me, it’ll have to wait until I get back from New York.
Alec: Tick. Tock.
“Shit.” I scream as I punch the steering wheel and collapse over it. A sob tears from between my lips as I press my forehead against the rim. “Shit.”
Alec has me cornered, and I hate it. I hate how slimy it makes me feel to tell him anything. I hate that I’m keeping secrets. I hate the way the adrenaline pumps through my veins because I’m scared all the time.
How am I supposed to text Rogue back? He picks up so many things just by watching me. It scares me that he’ll uncover my connection to Alec simply by staring into my eyes. Or by reading between the lines. I’m not a good liar. I don’t want to be. But right now there is no other choice.
My phone rings in my hand and I answer it before lifting it to my ear. “Hello.”
“You sounded off this morning. Everything okay? You didn’t tell—”
“No, I didn’t tell Rogue.” I pinch the bridge of my nose as I stare out the windshield. “I wanted to.”
“I understand.” There’s a sigh. “But we agreed, it’s better if he—"
“I know.” I exhale.
“You can’t tell him.”
“I don’t want to keep it from him.” I groan as I stand behind the counter, half lay over it. Bury my face in the crook of my shoulder. Squeeze my wet eyes shut. My head is pounding and my nose hurts so freaking much. I can barely breathe. But that’s nothing compared to the ache in my chest when I consider how complicated things have gotten.
“You have to. I’ve never seen him in so deep as he is with you.”
He'll be furious. Hurt. He might even break my heart. Speaking up before it gets any harder to walk away should be the right thing to do.
Adira doesn’t deserve to be caught in the crossfire of this war between my brother and the Maddoxes though. He’s always had my back. I can’t turn mine on him. I won’t.
“How am I supposed to be with him and not tell him? I hide behind costumes and makeup because I’m shy. Not because I’m duplicitous.” I lift my head and our gazes lock. I can’t keep the shake out of my voice. “I’m not the bad guy.”
“No, you’re not. But your brother is.”
“I wish he wasn’t my brother.” I sniffle as I collect a glass and some painkillers. I feel awful on every level.
“Alec is not your fault.”
“Hmm.” I swallow the pills with a mouthful of water. Would Alec have turned out differently if I’d been stronger?
