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“Nicole often bought you things, didn’t she?”
“Yes.” I knead at the back of my elbow as pins and needles crawl up the front of my neck.
It’s always been like that with my mom. She’d drop big dollars on my wardrobe. Or buy me gifts and gush over the fact she was thinking about me. Like that time she bought me tickets to my favorite band, because she knew I was listening to them all the time. Even though there was no chance I would actually be able to handle the crowd. Or when she bought me the entire line of a hot new makeup brand because she just wanted me to look my best, but then criticized me when I attempted to create a look that she didn’t approve of.
The material things she’d bought me were also the first thing she took away when I decided I wouldn’t go home. She threatened to dissolve the trust fund she and my dad had set up for me. Took away everything I owned. The only reason I had my savings was because she couldn’t access it.
“It took me a long time to realize the only reason she bought things was to have something to hold over me so I would do what she wanted.”
“Do you think that is what Rogue is doing?” She taps the end of the pen against her lip. “Perhaps in order to get you into bed?”
“No. No, that’s not…” I take a breath. “Rogue has been nothing but patient with me. He put the ball in my court when it comes to sex. He cares. I get his reasoning for why he bought the car. I’m just struggling with it.”
“It’s important that you be your own person.”
I could lose myself in him so easily. I hug my arms to my sides. I didn’t want to find myself in a position where I could lose everything again. Alec stole that option from me but here I am anyway. “After dad…I never want to be so low again. And Rogue…he makes me feel like he could be my entire world.”
He is my entire world.
No amount of fighting could stop the inevitable.
“Mmm.” Dr. Keller scratches a note on the paper on her knee. “I can see how that would be a concern. You need to realize that you’re not the same girl who came into my office the first time I treated you. You’ve grown a lot in the time we’ve been working together. Don’t you think it’s equally as possible that you’re strong enough to handle such big emotions? Both positive and negative.”
“I…want to be.” But with everything that’s going on with Alec…my heart hurts just thinking about how pear shaped this whole situation could go. Imagining how Rogue might react when he finds out the worst of my secrets. It steals all the oxygen from my lungs. Squeezes and squeezes until I’m not sure how I can possibly hope to survive. I have nightmares about it.
“Back to the car,” Dr. Keller says. “Why did he buy it for you? What were the reasons for his generosity?”
“My car was too obvious and unreliable and the media; they’re invested in finding out who I am. The Mercedes is safe and it blends in with the other traffic on the road.” We might have different reasons to keep me out of the public eye, but the truth remains that the easiest way to do that was to agree to keep the car. “We were involved in a high-speed chase a couple of weeks ago.”
“That must have been scary.”
“A little. Rogue had it under control.”
“Do you think it was scary for him? You were in that position because of him.”
“No.” Rogue would never do anything to hurt me. “That was the media.”
“Do you think that’s how he sees it? Your safety was in his hands. He cares a lot about you.”
“I’m keeping the car,” I say. We fought about it, but he’d had a point. And what am I doing if not trying to save him too? In my own way. If he knew…the car doesn’t seem like such a big deal in comparison to my going behind his back. But what else can I do?
It’s not just that Rogue would probably go after Alec. He has a savage heart buried inside all that cotton candy when it comes to the people he loves. If he knew about Alec there’s no telling what he would do. What any of the Maddoxes would do. Last night was an eye-opener. I’d almost walked in on Riot and Rogue discussing the lengths they would go to bury my brother. Literally.
He would never let me put myself in the way like I need to if I’m going to succeed, either. Unless he hated me for it.
We agreed, T-Swift and I…Alec can’t be allowed to hurt anyone else, and I am the best chance we have of getting him to confess. He’s sneaky and dangerous, but he’s also cocky… recording him is one thing, but getting him to screw up in such a way that it can be used as evidence…he’d never believe for a second that I could. That gives us an advantage. I just have to find a way to use it. “And I withdrew from classes this morning.”
“Really?” I don’t miss the shock in Dr. Keller’s response.
We’ve talked many times about my mom and what she expects of me. This is the first time I’ve mentioned standing up to Nicole. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. Cosmetology is my strong suit so probably something with that.”
“But there are other options?” She folds her hands in her lap.
“There might be a mentorship in costume design with Danica Garfield.”
“Those are some fantastic choices,” she says. “I assume Rogue is supportive?”
“He is.” In fact I don’t think any of this would be possible without his encouragement. He’s pushed me to open up and in doing so given me the world. I only wish I could do the same.
