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“I fucked up.” The words are bitter awful things. I spit them out. I crashed hard and burned everything to the ground in the process.
“It’s not that simple.”
“It is.”
“It isn’t.” There’s steely resolve in her words.
“How can you stand to look at me?” I cover my face with my hands. I can only imagine how it would feel to see her kiss another guy. I grit my teeth. I would have lost my mind if I’d found her with someone else. “Why didn’t you leave?”
“Is that what you hoped for? Is that what you wanted?” She tugs my hands away from my face. “That I’d see a bad guy? One who could hurt me?”
“Isn’t that exactly what I did?”
“Rebel told me you saw your mom yesterday. I know what that does to you. I’ve seen it firsthand.”
“What?” My heart bruises like an overripe peach. I knew she saw me long before I saw her. She’d told me when she told me about her stay at the facility. But I didn’t consider what that looked like under the surface of it.
“I saw them sedate her once. She was screaming at you.” Her eyes sparkle so sadly. “I couldn’t hear. I was inside. I could only see. I only wanted to see you. But she was terrified. And the orderly… he sedated her in front of you. And you were so lost. So distraught. It was heartbreaking.”
“Baby—”
“You weren’t okay,” she says. “Your brothers explained. Blackout drunk. You don’t remember that, do you?” She nods at my phone.
I shake my head. “I don’t, but—”
“It shouldn’t have happened.” She straddles my knees, brings our bodies so close together. Her warmth gives me hope. Her touch is… everything. “But it’s not black and white. It’s not simple. You were wasted. That girl wasn’t supposed to be there. She took advantage. That video… it was planned.”
She smooths her hands over my pectoral muscles and bites her lip. Her gaze drops and sticks to a spot on my chest that might be a wormhole to another dimension with how hard she’s concentrating. “You told me you’re tired of fighting for me when all I do is run.”
“Ivy.” I grip her thighs so tight. Can’t lose her now. Can’t let her go. “Whatever I said. Whatever I did. I hate that I hurt you. Hate that I let myself get like that just because that woman burrows into my head sometimes.”
“That’s the point though.” She exhales and her shoulders curl. She inhales and holds me steady in her honey gaze. “Your mom is sick, but that doesn’t change the fact that you hurt because of her. If anyone understands that… it’s me. And you were right. About me too. You were right that I was still running. No matter what I said. No matter what you tried. I was so scared of how much it would hurt to lose you. Last night I got to know what losing you felt like.”
She cries in my arms. Thick, wet splats that land on the T-shirt covering her body. She presses her hand to her mouth to hide the broken sound that slips between her lips.
I hold her. It’s all I can do. Just hold her. Careful, like she’s made of porcelain. Yet tight, like I’ll never let her go. I won’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I love her too damn much. Loved her from the first moment we collided. Her in her piece of shit hatchback, me with bullet wounds in my ass.
I hold her until her shoulders stop shaking. I hold her until she can breathe again. I don’t stop holding her when she lifts her sparkling eyes.
“I love you. I didn’t want to feel it because I knew it could hurt. Last night… that hurt…watching it… seeing it. It gutted me. Hearing you give up on me… that hurt so freaking much. Far worse than seeing that stupid bitch…” Her hands ball on my chest. “I wish I had smacked her for touching you when you clearly weren’t in any state to be kissing anyone.”
“I love you.” I clasp her face with both my hands. Touch my lips to hers. “Only you. You’re it for me. Last night will never ever happen again.”
“It better not.” She kisses me back. Deep. Hard. Slips her tongue between my teeth and claims every soft recess for herself. Pours all her sadness and love and frustration into the way her lips move with mine.
I take over the kiss with a hand wrapped around her throat and the urge to claim every inch of her. Her hands skate and press, hot against warm flesh. Over my shoulders, down my torso.
Our kisses turn greedy. Sloppy wet things full of groans and need.
She raises her arms when I tug my shirt up and off her. Nothing but damp little panties and pink button nipples underneath. I graze her neck with my teeth. Cover one round, beautiful globe with my mouth and suck. Lap at her nipple. Tug it with my teeth. Soothe it all over again.
Her fingers cruise the underside of the waistband of my sweats. Touch the head of my cock. Come away slippery with how fucking much I want her. She pulls at the string until the knot is gone. Tugs them loose so she can slide her hand in and take out my cock. Grips the girth and strokes me.
“Fuck, baby.” I hiss as her hand works me.
“I want you,” she says as she moves her weight to her knees and reaches between us to move that sliver of silk between her legs to the side. She lines my cock up with her entrance, her gaze locked with mine. “I love you. And I want you. So much. I want you to be my first. My always. My everything.”
I grip her waist. Warn her. “It might hurt.”
