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The overhead lights come on under the weight of my finger on the switch. The thumping in my ears starts to slow. Everything looks normal.
My gaze catches on the picture of Ivy and Adira on the wall, always slightly crooked. On the display shelves full of special edition designer shoes, including the Lulu Blues with their periwinkle soles.
Black curtains sway with the wind. I move toward it because it’s odd. I’ve been in this room so many times and never even noticed there was a window because normally the curtains hang like a thick velvet backdrop opposite tall, gilded mirrors.
The window is probably ajar because of the smell. It’s stronger here. The aroma sinks into my sinuses with every breath until I can practically taste metal. There’s another scent underneath it. Like flowers or candy. It’s probably the laundry detergent or fabric softener they’ve used on the costumes, but together the scents are sickly and overwhelming.
Every step makes the back of my throat ache more. Instinct draws me toward that window like a magnet.
Until I see Ivy lying on the floor.
The whole world slows down as I stagger to a stop. An ice-cold pit forms inside me. She’s deathly pale and so very still. “Ivy?”
Her chest barely moves under the fabric of a T-shirt that is far too big for her and yet rides up at her hips. Her legs are crossed at an odd angle as though she didn’t mean to lie down but toppled instead.
That scent I couldn’t put my finger on… it’s blood. So much blood. It stains her forearms and soaks the cream carpet to rust at her sides.
“Oh God.” I drop to my knees at her hip as I frantically take in every inch of her. Glimpse the razor blade in the shag. Put two and two together in a formula that will never make sense to me. This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. Ivy wouldn’t do this. She couldn’t.
She was doing her best to get stronger. To be better. Braver.
Except… fuck… I hurt her. And Rebel hurt her. And so did that prick. Every time Alec tormented her, every time he made her fear him, or made her feel weak, he hurt her. That bastard would have pushed her until he broke her, given the opportunity. And Rebel gave him that opportunity when he talked her into putting herself in his path for us. But this…
Her hand is cool in mine as I turn it over. Stare in horror at the line scored deep into the flesh of her wrist. It weeps crimson. Her other arm has an almost identical wound. Bile rises in my throat. “No, baby. No. No. No.”
How long has she been lying here? How much blood has she lost? Please God, don’t let me be too late.
“I need you to be strong for me, baby. I need you to hold on.” I fumble my phone with bloody hands that shake so much it’s all I can do to tap in the three numbers that connect me with emergency services. My heart is trying to race straight out of my chest. “Just stay with me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, so don’t you leave me, Ivy. Stay with me, baby. Stay with me.”
The voice on the other end of the line sounds like it’s coming from the other end of a tunnel. “Can you tell me where you are?”
I rattle off the address and answer every question he asks with a calmness that doesn’t match the turmoil inside me. I can’t lose her. I won’t survive without her. It’s been two days and that was almost too much for me to bear. The rest of my life without Ivy… I will do whatever it takes to save her. Anything you want, God, just please don’t take her away from me. I have nothing if I don’t have her. Without her nothing will matter anyway.
“An ambulance has been dispatched. We have to control that bleeding in the meantime. You’re going to need to put pressure on both wounds. Is there anyone else there who can help you?”
“Adira?” I scream, but there’s only silence from the rest of the apartment. “No. It’s just me. What do I do?”
“Can you see anything close by that you could use to bandage her wrists?”
I glance around until my gaze lands on the console where all the accessories are kept. Scrambling to my feet, I run to it.
A loose piece of paper lies on top. It’s addressed to Adira.
I’m sorry
…
My vision blurs as I turn my attention to sifting through the drawers until I find what I’m seeking. Whatever the words on that piece of paper are… she can tell me herself when she wakes up. “Scarves.”
“That will work,” the guy on the line says in a voice that is impossibly calm as I pull out two lengths of silk. “I want you to wrap them around her wrists with as much pressure as you can.”
Dropping to my knees, I turn the speaker on and toss my phone to the carpet beside me. I focus on applying the makeshift bandages the way the 911 operator instructs me to. My breath comes in clipped bursts that catch on the pained lump in the back of my throat. “They’re coming, Ivy. They’re on their way. Be strong for me, baby, and hold on.”
The bandaging secure, I gather her into my arms and bury my face in her hair. Blackberries. The scent of her shampoo climbs into my chest and wraps itself around my heart. My eyes burn and I blink back the wetness that coats the back of my throat. “You are so strong, baby. And I know that you didn’t mean to do this to yourself. You were just hurting… so much… like I was.”
Because I threw her out when she opened up to me. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own insecurities, she would have been with me tonight. Not here. Alone.
But she was all alone. She was fragile. She was in pain.
