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I open the bedroom door. I wish I knew if I felt the same a week ago. “Goodnight, Rogue.”
He taps his thumb against the wall. Groans. “Ivy, please—”
I close the door in his face. I’m confused by him. Confused by the circumstances I find myself in and the way I react to him. It’s too much. Too soon. We only just met.
I hear him huff through the wooden panel. “’Night, Ivy.”
His footsteps fade. And my heartbeat slows. I’m yawning all over again. Crawling back into bed, between sheets that smell like him. Reminiscing over the way his touch made me want to melt into it. Finding that my body pulses with need again. And there’s nothing I can do with a cast on one arm and my other wrist so tender I can barely wriggle my fingers.
I imagine that he’s awake somewhere in this apartment too.
Tossing and turning in a bed that isn’t ours. Reaching for that tiny string in his sweats because he’s as frustrated as I am. Untying the knot so he can stroke his cock to thoughts of me. Grunting while he grinds up into his fist for relief.
Damn it. I toss off the sheets and shake my legs. The tension is too much. The buildup has my clit throbbing. But I don’t have the strength in my wrist and I don’t have any toys. Because this isn’t my home.
It might have been at some point. But it isn’t anymore. And he might have been the man that I loved but I’m not the girl who wore bunny ears to our first date anymore. That girl is lost. Maybe forever.
And if she isn’t, I have to protect her. I have to keep in mind that this thing between him and I ended before she tried to end her life. It ended when he kissed someone else and more than likely broke her heart.
I have to remember that.
Chapter Fourteen
Rogue
AdiraandIvyarehanging out on my couch while he draws some intricate design on her cast. They’re talking and laughing like they haven’t missed a beat. He’s still her best friend. She’s still his younger cousin who needs his protection and advice. The time she’s lost… the memories… they don’t affect them.
Not like it does us. The way we were… who we were to each other doesn’t exist for her. She only knows what we’ve told her and what she’s garnered from the people around her. I hurt her, but not in the way Nicole told her.
Still, I did cause her pain. If I could take back that fucked up night where I kissed that girl I would. The fact that Ivy forgave me the morning after. That she was angrier at the girl taking advantage of my inebriated state than my stupidity. It felt like she let me off too easily, like I deserve that she’s uncertain of me now.
Strawberry Pop-Tarts scent the air as I pull them out of the toaster and put them on a plate.
Adira wasted no time moving in. He probably already had his bags packed, considering we weren’t certain what would happen with the restraining order. Probably expected Ivy would want him near even after that issue was settled. By the time she stumbled out of bed forty minutes ago he was unpacked in the only spare room left.
They’d disappeared back into the bedroom shortly after I’d made them coffee and when they’d come out Ivy was dressed in sweats and another of my hoodies.
She still looks tired. I can only hope the lack of sleep was because of the sexual tension between us and not because she’s uncomfortable in this apartment that is strange to her.
“I need to buy a new phone,” Ivy says to Adira as I take the Pop-Tarts to her.
I lock gazes with Adira. Honestly, I’m relieved she still doesn’t have it. Once she does she’ll know about T-Swift. About Alec’s blackmail. It will create more questions than I have answers. “Still haven’t found it then?”
Adira gives a minute shake of his head and steals one of the pastries off Ivy’s plate. He breaks it in half before biting into it. “I’m sure it’ll turn up.”
The missing phone bothers me more than I care to admit out loud. It could be as simple as she misplaced it, but the off feeling in my gut makes me believe she didn’t simply lose it. That and not knowing for certain who she interacted with in those last couple of days before I found her worries me. “Yeah, of course it will.”
“I probably lost it,” Ivy says.
There’s no evidence of foul play. We only have our suspicions.
I yawn into my hand. I told Ivy she couldn’t go anywhere without me, and Adira’s apartment was completely off-limits. Like the doctor said when I called her last night, Ivy has hidden these memories from herself for a reason. And in cases like Ivy’s, avoiding re-exposure can be the healthy option.
I don’t trust that Alec’s being in jail means Ivy is safe either. But I don’t want to crowd her so much that she starts to hate me. The least I can do is give her the space she needs. As much as I can stand to, anyway.
“Tired?” Adira eyes me as I move away from them.
“Didn’t sleep.” Haven’t slept more than a couple hours each night since I found Ivy in Narnia. I thought it would be easier with her here, but it isn’t. Between my fear for her safety and my frustration at having to give her space, I have a lot on my mind.
