Page 47 of Madd Love


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“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure you worry too much,” I say. It’s like every little thing that goes slightly wrong sets him off into blind panic.

“I can’t help it.” He tugs the blanket over me and sits on the edge of the mattress. Hunches into himself as he takes my hand and draws an infinity symbol on my palm. “I came too close to losing you to know how to be any other way.”

My heart squeezes for him.

“I’m going to get you some water.” He leaves and when he comes back it’s with a tall glass of iced water. He puts it on the nightstand and kisses my forehead. “Rest. I’ll come get you once we’re done.”

I almost ask him to stay. I don’t want to be alone. But my head really does hurt and all the shopping we did this afternoon has tired me out. My eyes flutter shut before he manages to close the door behind him.

I must fall asleep because I wake with a start. With raw, aching wounds and blood in my lungs. I choke on it until I cough. Until I can breathe again. Until all the crimson recedes and fades away entirely. Until all that’s left of the nightmare is an earworm.

Even that dissipates as I leave the bedroom and wander through the house. The headache has gone as quickly as it came on. There’s a Christmas tree in the formal living room that catches my attention. It’s covered in lewd Oscar statues and mismatched ornaments and pictures of Rogue and his brothers in all their various growing up stages. It’s pretty and unique and feels genuine in a way that I’m not used to outside of my relationship with Adira.

My mother must be beside herself with how everything went down at the hospital. There’s no way she’s going to let it go. The fact she can’t reach me might be the only bonus of not having a phone.

“You’re back with us.” Bianca Del Ray smiles as she pours herself a drink at the bar. Her eyes are glazed. “Do you want one?”

“Thank you for offering, but no.” I scrub at the goose bumps on my arm as I look around for Rogue.

“He’s with Marty.” Bianca fingers the chunky gold spirals around her neck. “They went for a drive.”

“Oh. Where?”

“I’m not sure. Somewhere they could talk in private,” the party girl says. “I know we didn’t have a chance to get close before… everything. I just want you to know if there’s anything you need…”

“Actually, there’s one thing,” I say. “Can I borrow your phone?”

“Sure.” She unlocks and hands over the device. “Who are you going to call?”

“Adira. Is it okay if I—”

“Privacy? Of course. Just bring it when you join us. We’re all out on the deck.” She sashays out of the room.

I pull up Google and type Rogue’s name into the search bar. He’s had me on a social media ban since the hospital, though he hasn’t come out and said that’s what he’s doing. But there’s been no radio, no internet, no news on in the apartment. Or the car. And I never did get a new phone.

He and Adira both think they are protecting me by only feeding me snippets that they believe I need to know and am ready for, but it feels like they’re trying to keep me in the dark. I have too many questions not to go searching.

There are barely any photos of us, but I didn’t expect there to be. And the ones that are there, Rogue has my face hidden in his chest. He looks like a god and I’m his most precious possession. Until the video. The one the girls we crossed paths with this afternoon must have been talking about.

He’s with a woman in the VIP section of some club and she is all over him. His hands are on her hips and his tongue is in her mouth. And if I had loved him like everyone says that I did, like the fact that we’re married says I did, then this moment would have broken my heart.

Even though it feels like it happened to someone else, it still hurts my heart. I watch until the recording cuts off suddenly. And then I watch it again. And again.

When Bianca’s phone rings, I take it to her, outside, on the deck, where everyone is congregated.

It’s warm with the outdoor heaters and the fire pit. They’re drinking and laughing but the mood is a little somber. Which suits me fine because my mood has soured.

I catch gazes with Rochelle Kitt. Her lips curve tentatively and drop almost immediately, but I feel this connection to her. Like we’re empathetic to each other’s situations. I glance away, not liking the heavy sensation. I don’t want to think about my brother and the damage he’s done.

Rogue finally comes back. He and Marty share a look as they step outside. It makes me prickly and hot all over.

“You’re feeling better?” He crouches in front of me. Studies my face. “You look better.”

Am I the problem? Because my memory is gone and he feels guilty? I surge to my feet and make a beeline back inside. He brought me here to his brother’s house and he left me for her. I want to leave.

“Ivy.” He grips my elbow before I make it through the foyer. “What the hell?”

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