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“You’re absolutely right,” I confess. “Unfortunately, I’ve lost myself more and more with each relationship I’ve been in. It’s one of the things I struggle to comprehend - why the hell do I keep doing it to myself?”
“So what you’re actually saying is that, if I really want to get to know you better, I should track down all your exes?” he asks with a rolling laughter.
“Probably,” I reply and start laughing, too.
“I’m completely happy with all that I have right here, by my side,” he gives me another small kiss, this time on my lips, then tightens his grip even further.
“I really want you,” I whisper as he looks into my eyes and strokes my hair warmly.
“Perhaps some other time,” he replies, stands up and tries to distract me. “Are you hungry? Should we go grab a bite?”
“I’m truly fine,” I answer, wondering what that strange rejection was all about. I thought and felt that he really liked me. He even said it a few times. I’m so embarrassed right now... I was ready to lose myself with him completely. Thank God I could always say I was a little bit stoned.
“So, let’s go to the bedroom. Maybe we can watch a movie together? Chill a little, take it easy,” Michael suggests.
“Okay.” I stand up and we walk together towards the luxurious sleeping cabin, covered in oak with a bright parquet floor. “This bed looks so wide and comfortable,” I declare. “I’m sorry but I can’t help myself,” I giggle while I bounce on the bed, excitedly. “It feels so good!” I laugh out loud. Michael is filled with joy when he sees my small burst of madness, and smiles as he keeps taking pictures of me on his phone.
“That’s it, I’m calm now,” I say, looking at him with embarrassment.
“You’re adorable and lovely. I truly like you, Sam,” he says again, smiling and looking at me while his eyes twinkle with laughter. “Let’s lie down a little.”
We hold hands under a cozy, gray blanket and watch a rom-com. He keeps laughing and says that’s why most women are messed up. “You watch too many romantic comedies and think that every little romantic gesture is an expression of honest and pain-free love.
“What do you want from us?” I ask seriously. “Although we all grow up on fairytales and expect our Prince Charming, it seems the problem is that most of you are only frogs,” I tease him back, and quickly laugh.
“I give up,” Michael replies, “if that’s what you all want,” he lifts his hands in surrender.
“Should we go to sleep?” he asks when the movie ends. “I’m pretty tired and tomorrow Greece awaits. Let’s try to rest a little,” he concludes as he hugs and turns me on my side to spoon me, he cups my back, so his hand is lightly pressed again my buttocks and my head rests on his chest. His head is several inches taller than mine.
“You smell so nice,” he kisses my hair and it feels so good. “I can sleep with you just like this everywhere, anytime,” he declares. He sniffs me and pulls me closer to him again, as he kissed my cheek.
“Good night, sweetie.”
“Good night, Michael, and thank you for everything. I’m having such a good time with you here.”
“With pleasure,” he replies, and dozes off.
I fall asleep quickly, too, as I think about water, fish, colors, and my beloved Roy.
Chapter 4
I’m frantic and feel like I’m suffocating, as if I’ve been sucked into a black void. The ground is unstable, making me uncomfortable and anxious. My body is immersed in gushing water and I’m drifting away, fighting to keep my head above water, unable to find myself!
“No!” I abruptly rise from the bed. I’m trying to catch my breath. What? Where am I?
“What’s wrong?” Michael wakes up, startled, and holds my hand. “Are you alright?” He asks and embraces me tightly. “It’s still the middle of the night, do you need anything? Perhaps some water?” He caresses my hair.
“No, I can’t quite grasp what just happened,” I reply with bitter surprise.
“It’s probably because you’re in a different place, and the movement of the waves is affecting your balance,” Michael sooths me. “It’s alright, you’re here, I’m here. Would you like me to sing you a lullaby?” he says with a slim smile.
“No, thank you, I love your voice so much, it’ll only keep me awake!” I laugh.
“Is that so?” Michael laughs along, as he strokes my hair and body, “so, sleep already!” he says and kisses my head again.
“Good morning, would you like coffee in bed?”
I open my eyes to find out that Michael is already wide awake and sweating.
