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“I miss you already.” He grows sad.
“Me too,” I smile warmly.
“See you soon!” he declares, waving as he leaves.
The door slams shut.
All at once I feel so small compared to the huge, spacious house, the growing quiet around me and the tension. Avi appears once again, looking right into my eyes.
“Come on, it’s time for us to have a little chat.” We step out into the huge yard together, where he opens his heart to me in front of the infinity pool.
“You know, I had a really great time with you yesterday,” he declares. “You make me laugh,” he clarifies, “you calm me down, you’re fun to talk to. You’re also smart and fascinating.”
“I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” I clarify, and mean it.
“You think I’ll let you disappear now that I’ve finally found you?” he taunts me with a jab. “I’ve got as many friendships as there are grains of sand on the beach. Stop making it so hard,” he asks of me. “Come on. Relax. Talk to me freely, no filters. It’s just you and me.”
“Okay, let’s talk,” I agree.
“But I do have one request from you. Promise me you’ll be completely honest. Otherwise, don’t even bother.”
“Okay, I promise,” I agree to his request.
Hours later it turns out that I’m telling him about my life and everything I’d gone through with Matthew and what led to our divorce.
“It’s so disappointing when you trust someone, shed your desires and dreams to please him, give it your all, dedicate yourself to starting a family and, when it finally ends, you instantly become an enemy,” I explain. “The person you’ve shared your bed and life with becomes mean and cruel, using all your weaknesses to hurt you again and again until you break.”
“Do you still love him?” he warmly gazes into my eyes.
“No.” I wipe away a tear. “On the contrary. I despise him so much for the pleasure he takes in crushing me when I was so weak compared to him. On the other hand, I’ll forever be in his debt for giving me the most wonderful gift I could have ever imagined – my Roy. I love him so much, I’m very attached to him. For years I’d work from home so I could always be at his side, available for all his needs. Now I can’t even imagine how the days will go by without him. After all those years with Matthew I feel small, unfulfilled. I lost myself a long time ago, I haven’t got a clue who I am. I don’t have the strength left to stand tall before the world and pretend I’m strong,” I cry uncontrollably. “I have no help from anyone nor someone I can lean on for emotional support.
“I know God has given me so many gifts and has watched over me,” I continue, “and I am grateful. But at the same time, I’ve always denied that I’m a passionate woman in so many ways and, as the years passed, my desires faded, disappeared and changed.”
“Then why did you actually break up?” He’s completely immersed in me.
“Well, Matthew spent years depriving me of his warmth and attention, because he felt I was outshining him. He always claimed that the honest and direct way I talked about my feelings and wishes in our relationship intimidated him, and sometimes even offended him. He used to say it made him feel like he didn’t deserve me. But, I insisted on holding onto my desires and dreams and that’s mainly why we fought all the time. I always dreamed of being powerful and a role model for my son. But he continued putting me in this mold and distancing me from everyone and everything that made me feel good about myself. It hurt me terribly. I felt strangled and locked in a gilded cage.”
He wipes away my tears and kisses my forehead.
“Tell me,” he softly whispers.
I weep in front of him, so shamefully and honestly. I’ve never opened up like this to anyone. What is he doing to me?
“He didn’t like it when I expressed an opinion,” I continue, “because he claimed I was too dominant. Then he used to say he was sick of living under my shadow, that I was doing everything I could to draw people’s attention and become likeable. That I always wanted to be right and that I’m a know-it-all. He’d also have crazy jealousy attacks. When he’d threaten me, scream and yell, I was afraid for my safety. So, I chose to live in his shadow, to make our home peaceful and quiet. But, at that point, he already felt very strong and powerful over me, which is why he constantly disrespected me. He completely broke my heart and shattered all my dreams. I tried my best to keep our house in one piece, but it still wasn’t enough. I’ve been feeling so weak and full of guilt for so long.”
Avi only listens, envelopes me, wipes away my tears as they continue to pour from my eyes. He kisses my forehead and holds me close, looking at me with a warm and piercing gaze, like someone who truly understands and has known me for much longer. He holds me so close to his heart and caresses my hair spread all over his chest. When I calm down a bit, I shyly raise my gaze to meet his, and I find his gorgeous eyes staring at me in a way I’ve never experienced before.
“So, what now?” I break the lingering silence.
“You’re very lost, huh?” he clarifies for me.
“I guess.” I’m about to collapse in front of him.
“That’s it. I’ve heard enough!” he suddenly calls out. “You’re an amazing woman. You’ve been through so much; it almost broke you spirit. But that’s all over now. You need to get up and pull yourself together. You’re finally free and you’re stronger than you think.” He lifts me as he straightens my body in front of him. “This conversation’s over for now. I’ve still got much more to tell you, but we both need a break. So, would you like to accompany me to the hospital today? I’ve got to check on my grandmother.”
“Sure thing!” I answer, forgetting everything and everyone and, in no time, we’re making our way to the hospital together.
Our drive to the hospital is a quick and peaceful one, perhaps thanks to my endless talking.
