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“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers to me. “I feel so much better now.”
I give in to his rough, masculine voice, honest and stirring, diving comfortably and with a sense of security, enveloped in the satisfaction I feel and fall deeply asleep.
The dull sound of my cellphone interrupts my sleep and I open my eyes feeling haunted and suffocated, looking for any remnants of my clothing hidden between the bedcover and scattered around the room.
Avi’s gone. I think he must’ve already gotten bored. You found a perfect time to fall asleep, I grind my teeth at my figure reflected in one of the mirrors hanging in the room. I track down my phone, intending to answer but the call cuts off. A quick glance at the screen and it knocks me back into reality, to which I’m no longer connected.
It’s Matthew. What now? I experience some mild anxiety, worried that he somehow knows everything I’ve done in the last week. It’d be interesting to see how he’d react to the fact that I’ve managed to move between two beds. Between two friends. Between a magnificent yacht and a spectacular mansion. That I’m sprawled out here on expensive, luxurious sheets, suffused with pleasure after experiencing wild oral sex for the first time in my life.
I lift myself up and lean back on the pillow, returning Matthew’s call with a sense of trepidation and butterflies of anxiety fluttering, giving me stomach cramps and nausea spreading, paralyzing me entirely.
“Hello?” Matthew answers on the second ring. “Sam?”
“Yeah,” I answer tensely and quietly.
“I know you’re supposed to come pick up Roy tomorrow. The guys invited me to go with them to Eilat this week and I think if Roy joins us, it could be really good for him. To let off some steam,” he adds. “After all, it’s not every day he’s torn between two homes,” he adds a jab as only he knows how.
“What are you asking?” I try to glean more details. “For me to just give up his days with me?”
“It’s just a week,” he continues. “I have no intention of raising him full-time. I won’t steal your job,” he clarifies with bitter disdain.
“Did you ask him if that’s what he wants?” I’m curious.
“Actually, I did, he heard the guys talking and said he wanted to go with us. I promised him I’d try, and that I’d let him know after wrapping things up with you.”
“In that case,” I detach from my emotions, “if that’s what Roy wants, then all I can do is wish you a good time. I certainly won’t stand between you.”
“Ah,” Matthew adds, “by the way, your apartment’s been dark for the past few days, where have you been?”
“You’ve long since lost the right to ask me questions like that. Get yourself out of my life and let me go already. The only thing left between us now is Roy. So, I take it I’ll be seeing him on Sunday?”
“Monday,” Matthew explains.
“Okay,” I conclude. “Go have fun. Give Roy a kiss from me, and please make sure he calls me every day. I want to hear his voice. It’s not easy for me either, I’ve never been away from him for so long.” I grow sad.
“It’ll be fine.” Matthew continues his trademark indifference that has characterized him all these years. “It’s a period of adjustment for all of us, it’ll pass. We’ll find our way.”
“Okay. Have fun, then.” I hang up and wipe away a tear of longing that falls from my eye.
Avi walks in and sits down next to me.
“Everything okay?” He caresses my cheek.
“Yes,” I sigh. “My vacation’s going to last a few more days because my ex is going down to Eilat with friends and Roy asked to join him. I couldn’t say no. He needs to blow off some steam too, and it could be good for him,” I share the news with him.
“Yeah, I agree with you, it might actually calm things down a bit. Besides, this way I can enjoy you, exclusively.” As he says this, I feel the enormous sexual tension between us reawaken.
I gasp for breath, shut my eyes and hold my body tight. On one hand, I feel real serenity and have no doubt that I’m in the most right place for me in the world. But on the other hand, I feel exposed before him, needy and alone. I tremble in fear of falling in love with this guy, uncontrollably, unrestrained. But just who am I kidding? I already don’t know how to go on living without his presence, even though a moment ago I felt completely lightheaded over Michael. What on earth will happen to me?
He peeks at me insolently, trying to track the storm spreading through me, and he lifts up to meet my gaze.
“I think I really like you, Sam,” he whispers to me with deep intimacy as our eyes meet.
“I’m glad to hear that,” I answer, and sparks of consumption wound me. “I really like you too!” I give him a measured smile. If he only knew what his presence does to me, how his touch affects me. Despite my rich experience with the other sex, I’ve never felt this way before. The levels of adrenaline coursing through me are the wildest my body had ever felt. Not Matthew, not others, not even Michael has ever made me feel these delirious feelings, between pain and maddening pleasure. His intensity intoxicates me. His honesty, the way he carries himself. How does he make me lose all proportions on our very first morning together? What’ll happen now? What will I do? I’m held captive by his every whim. I’d better acknowledge that, before I lose all good judgment. Avi’s the dark side of my urges, he’s gotten right into my mind, body and soul. I don’t stand a chance against him anymore, I admit to myself.
“You’re so gorgeous!” he continues to arouse me. “Are you even aware of that?” He caresses my body. “Your skin’s just perfect.” He smells my hair and brushes it back. “Perfect hair, perfect breasts.” He lustfully massages my right breast, his other hand lies on my aching belly and caresses it, dispelling every bit of discomfort I had just felt. I feel like a happy kitten in his hands, purring, delighting in his touch, his smell and his voice, all of which draw me closer to him.
Of course he isn’t aware of this, but my anxieties always pooled in my belly. As far back as I can remember, I’ve felt a sharp pain every time my adrenaline levels spiked, and anxiety or discomfort welled up within me. This pain weakens me, completely paralyzes me. There are a bunch of unresolved issues in that nexus of my nerves. And here he is, skillfully and unknowingly unraveling all the complicated tangles, and I lose myself before him again.
