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“Yes, my prince. Miss me?”
“A lot.” He breathes heavily. “I want you to know that regardless of what I’m about to tell you, you’ll always will be very meaningful to me.”
“What’s the matter?” I ask upset. All the possible catastrophic scenarios start running through my mind. Except for the actual one.
“I’m very ashamed of myself, but it’s Dawn! She totally lost her mind and is currently hospitalized until they can stabilize her.”
“Poor thing!” I blurt. “She must be lost without you.”
“Sam... I promised I’d be there for her when she gets out, get some closure and figure out how we hit rock bottom together. We want to try to make things right again,” he explains. “I’m very sorry.”
What is this? Did he just dump me? Like that? The tears start pouring down my frozen face, and I feel my stomach burning with sorrow and disappointment.
“I understand,” I reply, all choked up. “I wish you all the best,” I hang up and immediately switch off all my phones. All I need right now is some quiet, but I hear my heart pounding in my chest. I collapse to the ground, devastated.
I couldn’t be more stupid. How could I have sacrificed so much of myself and my values for this relationship? And here I am, deeply wounded. How could I ever imagine him loving another?
Love is such a cruel and fragile thing, even when I was sure I had given it my all, it keeps burning and playing tricks on me. Now, my future with Avi also seems more fragile than ever.
I have to end it all before I fall apart. After all, if Michael, that gentle man, had betrayed me and lied, there’s no chance that the sex-crazed, unrelenting Avi would stay loyal to me either! There’s no real chance for this relationship, it’s toxic. Dangerous. Certainly inappropriate for a single mother who still has a lifetime of rearing and caring for her son. So, I’ll mourn and be heartbroken for a while, and then it’ll pass. There’s no other option!
After all, it makes no sense. It was too good to be true. I convince myself that it would be best if we savor the blissful moments we’ve shared and leave them behind, untainted.
It’s right that we end it, right here and now. The intense experiences and sensations I’ve had with him will stay with me forever. I’ve never felt so loved and desired in a man’s arms. I need to pull myself together and continue to plan my life without him.
I decide to text him:
“Avi, I’d like to thank you for all the love you’ve given me. I’ll always cherish it, but your protection has actually wounded me. I’ve completely thrown out all my principles and, with them, every inch of self-respect. I gave into my urges, and now I’ve fallen into a deep and dark abyss again. It’s all over between us. Please, don’t come looking for me, and leave me be.”
An hour and a half later, my front door opens.
“So, that’s it? This is how you’re ending it?” Avi calmly walks into the apartment.
“What are you doing here?” I ask surprised.
“What does it look like I’m doing here?” he snaps at me. “Is that what our relationship means to you? What happened to all the promises you’ve made?”
“Avi, please, get out. I’m hurt and aching. I don’t want to say things I’ll regret later.”
“You seem upset,” he looks at me with concern. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on?”
“As if you don’t know,” I laugh in his face. His expression stiffens as he wonders what I could possibly mean.
“Michael is back with Dawn.” I sum things up.
“What!?” He’s both bewildered and shocked. After a couple of minutes, he regains his composure and wraps his arms around me.
“Honey, I’m sorry. I had no idea. What an idiot! To think he’d leave a woman like you, and for Dawn, nonetheless!”
“Could you stop? I can’t handle you too,” I weep.
He sits quietly on the chair next to the wooden dining table, his legs spread apart.
“But is it my fault?” he sighs. “I still don’t understand that part. We both know that you wanted him to love you. I didn’t want to prevent you from being happy. Is that what I’m being punished for?”
“You’re right! I shouldn’t blame you, but right now, I need to be on my own,” I emphasize. “I need time to process everything that has happened these past couple of months. I’m emotionally overwhelmed, and I don’t want to hurt you or get hurt.”
“I respect what you’re saying, but I won’t let you drown in self-pity, come over here,” he holds me tight and kisses my head. “I’m sorry, princess. You don’t deserve any of this. It’s both his choice and his loss. No one has ever given him what you have.”
