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But the next words out of her mouth were a kick to his gut.
“I’ve been tryingto get home.”
“Home…?” he asked. “To the Outskirts?”
Suddenly he pictured his universe without her. All that warm satisfaction evaporated, leaving him to imagine a cold and harsh life alone.
No,his mind screamed.
A powerful burst of adrenaline shot through his blood, enough to make him jump from his chair as if he might go right now and—
“It’s eating me alive,” she said in a low rush as he forcefully settled himself back down. “I want to see home again and I want to feel like my feet are on solid ground—but if I go home… I won’t be able to return. It’ll—it’ll be goodbye, Cal.” Her voice cracked on his name.
“On top of all that, I don’t even knowhowto get home. Short of directions and a lot of gas, I’m pretty much stranded here.”
He gazed outside aimlessly. “Have you made your decision?”
“No.No, listen, I don’t know what to do.”
Could he follow her into a different life? Into a place without theHeart, without everything he knew?
Would she even welcome him?
He wasn’t certain.
“But it doesn’t matter anyway because I can’t get home,” she said.
He found himself working on her problem automatically. Anything to distract him from the crack opening in his chest. “What’s keeping you from it?” he asked roughly, wishing he could say instead, ‘Don’t go, or I swear to all the stars I will hunt you down.’
“I don’t have enough fuel.”
“I cangiveyou enough fuel to cross into the next universe,” he said, knowing precisely how simple it would be to drag her on his ship instead of letting her go. A spike of lust hit him in the stomach at the image of stopping her.
He knew it was problematic to think that way, but... memories of her in the throes of passion floated ceaselessly through his mind. Last night was ingrained in him.
“What’s the other issue?” he asked, and some of his breathlessness revealed his true state. He’d doubled down on his attempt to be a decent fucking person. It wasn’t working.
“I don’t knowwhereit is,” she said.Ah.Lucca was a terrible navigator. It made sense. “I have one picture of a landmark to go off, but I don’t know where it is. I’m not like you.”
He bared his teeth in frustration, wishing she would find the nerve to tell him what was wrong. She wouldn’t. He knew, even accepted at this point, that she wouldn’t.
He could still break onto her ship. At least solve the mystery before the trail disappeared forever. His instincts warred with his mind.
“We’ll take your picture to Morwong,” he said.Break her ship open. It’s so easy. Just do it.“He’s got good contacts. We’ll get you sorted out.”
Every cell in his body screamed at him to anchor her ship to his, but here he was working out how to get her home. Even when every wrong thing he wanted to do felt…right. Anchoring her ship to his felt right. Cuffing her to something long enough to pry the truth out of her—and making her his. Permanently his. He fought those urges. Every one.
If she wanted to go home, he couldn’t stand in the way of that. He couldn’t add himself to the rest of her hurts.
* * *
Morwong was looped into their call reviewing her picture, and Caligher was coming up with names. Doing anything to distract himself from brainstorming creative ways to break onto Lucca’s ship in the middle of the night.
He wouldn’t do that.
He absolutelywould notdo that to her.
Dori was a good name. Everyone liked a Dori.
