Page 44 of Shellshock


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But he was a bit of both, and Lucca adored both. Wanted both for herself, forever and ever.

“Pointis—I don’t want to wake up to find one of Zoramia’s spikes up my ass and personally, I’mnotsorry. I’ll never be sorry. I don’t care how tough you think you are, no one isthattough—”

“What about one of my spikes?”

“Lucca.”

That got to him. Finally, something she’d said had blown his brain up. She bit her lip as warm laughter filled her chest, cheeks aching again. She liked when he made her smile hard enough for her face to be sore.

With a huff, he said, “You can do anything you want to me. Sadist or masochist or neither.”

“So you and Zoramia arenota thing, have neverbeena thing,” she said casually, rolling the conversation along. It was so much easier to breathe when she stopped guarding herself. “Did you ever have any girlfriends hiding on your planet?”

He paused. In a rough voice, he said, “This is embarrassing.”

“What’s embarrassing?” she nudged.

“There was never time for that. It’s just you, Lucca.”

She blinked, picturing the brief glimpses she’d caught of him. Even from a distance, sheknewhe was attractive. “Seriously? How?”

He dodged the question. “You have anyone waiting for you back home?”

“Uh, well… there was… someone.” She released a nervous cough.

“Wait. Therewas?Are you—”

“No,” she said firmly. “It’s over. It’s very, very over. I kind of left to get away from him.”

That was a sliver of the truth. More than she usually shared.

And she found it feltgoodto get something out. One admission. Her shoulders lightened.

Her ex hadn’t been her sole reason for leaving Earth. Definitely not her original reason. But their soured relationship had sped her path out the door. Once she’d escaped the planet’s gravity and looked down on that cramped, cloudy little marble, she’d felt years of anxiety slipping off her shoulders.

She sat in contented silence, sharing empty air time with Caligher. She’d come to appreciate this gentle courting style and wanted to see it grow. Ithadgrown under her nose, and now it was good and out of hand. Yet again, she’d lost control of her life. Now they appeared to be an item—her and Caligher.

She couldn’t help but feel a little excited over the prospect of getting closer to him. But the warmth in her chest was at odds with the unnerving pit in her gut.

She still hadn’t told him.

Soon.

She would fix this soon. She had the whole thing planned. She would invite him onto her ship and tell him everything, and a part of her insisted that he would never hurt her.

Reject her, maybe. That would hurt.

But he was her friend, and it wasn’t right to keep secrets from him.

“He must’ve been a real dick to drive you off,” said Caligher. She sensed him wheedling. He often returned to ground he’d already covered, checking doors, probing for new ways into her mind.

She felt in an open mood. She felt almost… safe.

“He was,” she said. “He nearly ruined my career. I was signed up for this trip. It was always my dream—”—to go to space,she left out.

“He didn’t want me to go. We fought about it for months, but obviously I had rights and I didn’t need his stupid permission, so I got fed up and did what I wanted. He didn’t like that. He was always more of the, ‘if I can’t have you, no one can,’ type. So he did the only natural thing and sent naked pictures of me to the…”—don’t say commander—“To the people who were scheduled for this flight.”

Lucca hated having to omit, to modify. She hated the stunted pauses where she'd cleaved the truth out.

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