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“And I still want to rip up every human ship in this galaxy until I find him,” he said.
“I can see why—”
“I fantasize about it, Lucca. I fantasize about leaking oxygen from ships, because it makes me feel right. That’s wrong, isn’t it?”
He met her stare, open and broken.
“Even if Idofind him…” A disconcerting laugh sprang out of his chest. “I’m not sure I’ll stop. I could find him alive and everything could be put right, and I would still feel wrong inside unless I’m cutting their ships open. Iknowthat isn’t right.”
A shadow came over him. His expression iced over to a degree she’d never witnessed before. Friendly Caligher. Playful Caligher. Pirate Hunter Caligher… This person was altogether different, and all those other faces were masks.
This Caligher was glacial.
No amount of warmth or jokes or sex would thaw him. She was looking at a person who lived in perpetual pain.
He straightened a moment later, meeting her gaze. “I don’t know how you can stand being near me. I’ve killed so many humans. You should have run for your life.”
“You’ve never hurt me.”
He hadn’t. He’d been so careful around her. Even if he did cause harm… she would know it was unintentional.
“I’d tear my own shell off before I let it come to that,” he said, falling back into his own misery.
“I mean, I’m not a professional but… I think you’re dealing with serious trauma,” she said. “If the same thing happened to me, I don’t think I’d feel so different. I’d feel enraged every time something made me feel powerless. And even though I might not be able to blow ships up, I’d lash out in my own way.” Lucca had hurt people too—even if it was done with buttons. “No one should be expected to act normal under those circumstances.”
He stared at her quietly. He wasn’t completely defrosted. In fact, he seemed to be getting colder by the second.
Humans had fucked him up. He might have been better off if they’d never come along, and Lucca was sure that both of them were thinking it at that moment.
“You agree that I should destroy that mothership when it comes through?” he asked.
“No… at least, not unless we run out of options. I have friends on that ship.”
“Friends,” he repeated flatly. The word was a bomb. “What would your friends do if they found us cohabitating? Would they wish us the best? Or would it look more like what happened tonight in the bar?”
She ran her hands over her face, shaking her head as if she didn’t know. But she did know. She was sure they would call her a traitorous, alien-fucking whore or something to that effect. She no longer had a life to return to on the Aerinus. Earth, however… She wasn’t sure. Her parents would love Caligher but they would never get the chance to meet him.
“I’d rather not put that to the test,” she admitted.
That got a sharp laugh out of him. “I’m more worried about what you would do, honestly,” he said candidly. “I don’t completely trust that you wouldn’t turn me over if one of your leaders put the pressure on you.”
What?
“I wouldneverdo that to you,” she said with vehemence.
His eyes remained on her face, calculating, harboring a certain flicker of uneasiness. “You believe that?”
“Yes. They can’thave youagain.” She meant it, too. She would start biting fingers off hands if they came after Caligher.
“But if they tortured you… you wouldn’t cave under that kind of pressure?” His jaw flexed. There was a cracking sensation in her chest—his distrust of her was so physical.
“I’m not saying Iwantyou to go through that—I don’t—but it’s still a serious question, Lucca. Do youreallybelieve they could never make you crack?”
She would beg for death before she ever betrayed him. But… she didn’t want to put that to the test. And it might not be as simple as that. Lucca knew better.
The Aerinus warship had prison cells. Interrogation rooms. Ranks of soldiers who’d been trained to hurt others.
He leaned back, hands flat on the bed, searching her face for lies.
