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“How long ago was this?” Her tone is half disappointment and half understanding. We’ve been down this road before. Only...we haven’t. What I feel for Catarina is ten times what I felt for Beth. It was somehow more real in spite of us faking it.
“Eight days.” Feels more like eight years.
“Did you call her?”
I nod. “Called. Texted. Went to her house. Visited the newspaper’s office. I’m banned, by the way.”
I took Catarina’s advice and went to talk to Mia that day. I did some more yelling, accused Mia of outing me, and then I threatened to sue her. My tirade was detailed on the Chat the next day in an article written by Mia herself with the headline: Barrett Fox Loses His Cool.
She wasn’t exaggerating when she said what happens in the bullpen is fair game.
Beth shakes her head again, pitying me for reasons I deserve. Not because I’m a formerly broke, currently dyslexic man from the ugly part of town, but because I’m a shallow, stubborn, jerk who didn’t give my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt.
“This should set your mind at ease.” I lean back in my chair. “Now you know our problems were my fault.”
“You are a terrible listener. And you have a temper.”
“Seriously?” I grumble because if there’s one thing I don’t need it’s a pile-on.
“I’m sorry. It’s just... This is so sad.”
“Tell me about it.” Every night I suffer from insomnia. I stare at the ceiling and rack my brain for ways to win Catarina back. My flowers were returned. My messages ignored. I have no idea how to convince her to listen. I think about her constantly, and it’s paired with a pain so acute I wonder if it’ll ever cease. I also wonder if she’ll forgive me after enough time to passes, or if it’s one-and-done with her.
I think of her ex-boyfriend Northrop and my heart sinks. Catarina is a one-strike-you’re-out kind of girl.
There’s another conclusion I’ve come to—one I knew all along but chose to ignore. “She can do better.”
“Barrett Fox,” Beth hisses. “Now that’s bullshit. She sounds like a woman who can choose anyone she wants. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, and she’s successful. She chose you. You may have been on her radar because of the assignment, but what about what happened when you weren’t? What about when you were off the record? Were you pretending then, too?”
Not even a little.
“You’re making me sound like a catch.” I give her a wan smile that literally hurts. I’m miserable as hell.
“You are. To her. But you’re also an arrogant, stubborn jerk.” She amends with, “Which means you should be chasing her down not sitting here with me talking about the one who got away. This isn’t you, Barrett. You go after what you want. Do you want her? Like, for real? Not because you want to win but because there’s something there worth pursuing?”
She twists the engagement ring on her finger so that it catches the light.
“Is there a future that’s uncertain, but you want it all the same?” Her voice takes on a reflective quality like she’s asking herself that question. “A thrill ride that scares you but you can’t resist buckling in for it?”
Her focus returns when she snaps her eyes to mine. “I know what I choose. What about you?”
“Food for thought, I guess.”
“Stubborn.” She stands from her chair, comes to my side of the table, and leans down to kiss my cheek. “I’ll invite you to the wedding.”
“I’ll come,” I warn her.
“Bring Catarina with you.” She pushes open the café door, leaving me and my new pal Misery sitting at the table.
Chapter 31
Catarina
“Everyone. Conference room. Now.” Mia snaps her fingers as she marches across the office. “You have to see this.”
It’s late on a Saturday night thanks to an “all hands on deck” request from our fearless editor. Mia is pulling together another one of her brilliant ideas, but I’ve opted to stay put in my relationships column and keep out of the limelight. Nanci’s been wanting to make a play for lead journalist. My stepping out of the way will allow her that chance.
A day after I left Barrett eating my dust in the parking lot of my apartment building, I came to Mia with a resignation letter. I told her that while I may not find another job I love as much as writing for the Chat, I couldn’t condone her behavior by staying here and supporting her.
