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“It’s not like that. I…” I shake my head. “I hate myself for what I did to her, Nate. What happened to Katy…I know it’s my fault. I didn’t quit the drugs because I wanted to turn my life around after she died. I did it because they make me feel…”
“What?!” he shouts, making me jump again.
“Nothing,” I choke out, sniffing as a stray tear falls over my cheek. “They make me feel nothing, okay? Not doing them makes me feel it all. All the pain and the guilt and the fucking misery. I’m sober because I deserve it. Because it hurts more.”
He blinks at that, his gaze following the tear as it drops off my chin. “You wanna hurt?”
I nod, my vision blurring, and a slow smirk touches his full lips, right before he pulls my face up and crashes his mouth into mine.
15
NATE
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m too drunk to think twice about it. I want him beneath me and I’m done pretending otherwise. At least for right now.
Without breaking the kiss, I shove him into my room and slam the door behind me. My teeth latch onto his bottom lip as I walk him over to my bed, sucking on his lip ring the way I’ve thought about doing since the first time I saw it on him.
That was years ago.
Fucking years I’ve wanted this.
He holds on to my neck for balance as I pop the button on his jeans, pushing them down over the tight, round globes of his ass. His dick is as hard as mine is, our lower bodies rutting against each other as we kiss like wild animals.
“Nate,” he rasps. “What the fuck are you doing?”
I still don’t know, but I don’t feel like telling him that.
Instead of answering him, I pull the zipper of his hoodie down and shove it over his shoulders. “Take it off,” I demand, my hands going back to his jeans.
He obeys and strips his t-shirt off as well, tossing it on the floor before running his fingers through the hair at the back of my head. It tingles where he touches me, and I fight a shiver, licking into his mouth to get to his tongue. He gives it to me, tipping his head back with a moan when I rub his dick with my hand over his boxers.
“More,” he pleads, and I shake my head at him, squeezing his ass with my free hand as I tease my thumb over the wet tip.
“Shut up and take what I give you.”
He whimpers, grunting when I shove him back and push him down on my bed. I remove his jeans and boxers and toss them onto the pile of clothes on the floor, pausing when I get a proper look at the piercings in his nipples and his leaking cock resting on his lower abdomen. He’s bigger than I thought he’d be, longer than even me and just as thick.
I raise a brow at him, and he grins like the cocky little demon he is, leaning up on one elbow as he gives himself a slow, teasing stroke. “You just gonna stand there eye-fucking me all night or you gonna do it for real?”
Grabbing him by his hair, I pull him up to sit on the edge of the mattress. He yelps out in pain, and I push his face into my hip so he can’t see the small hint of a smile on my lips. “I thought I told you to shut up.”
“Make me.”
Unbuttoning my own jeans, I pull my dick out and rub the tip over his soft, slightly flushed cheek. He starts to say something else, but I don’t let him, tilting my hips to shove my cock into his big mouth. I don’t give him a second to get ready. Using my grip on his hair, I pull his head back and forth and fuck myself into him, groaning at the feel of his wet, warm tongue sliding over the underside of my dick. He gags and chokes on it, digging his short nails into my waist. He’s not pushing me away though. He’s trying to pull me closer, taking it because he knows he fucking deserves it.
“Little fucker,” I grit out, pushing in deeper until I’m hitting the back of this throat. “Look at me.”
He does, and I almost come right then at the look in his eyes, the tears streaming over his cheeks as I steal all the air from his lungs.
I don’t usually give a shit about getting my dick sucked. With most of the other people I hook up with, I get bored with the foreplay and get it done as quickly as I can. Or just skip it all together. Guy or girl, as long as we both get off quick, I’m happy. But with Xavi…I could stare at his pretty lips stretched around the base of me all night.
I stop moving before I come too soon, my breaths shallow as I run my thumb over the black ring at the edge of his mouth. Gaze locked with mine, he moves his hands around to my ass, a wicked little gleam in his blue eyes as he throats my dick all by himself.
“Fuck,” I choke out, wrapping my fingers around his neck to stop him.
He smirks up at me, and I push him down on his back, crawling up onto the bed between his legs. He wipes the spit from his mouth with the back of his arm, and I take the second to look down at his naked body. He’s small, but not as scrawny as he once was. He’s filled out a little over the last couple years, still lean but with more muscle. More dips and ridges I want to sink my tongue into until he’s desperate and begging for me.
Next time, I tell myself, blinking the thought away just as quick.
