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“I didn’t ask.” Caden lifted a glass of milk and washed the cookies down. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand, muscles tensing in his right arm.
“Yeah. Right.” I scratched the back of my head, water dripping from my tousled locks of hair. “Sorry to bore you, then.”
Caden didn’t reply and I decided my best course of action was to walk away. The smartest thing I could do was not touch the hornet’s nest by walking out of the room instead, take a hot shower, and pretend everything was fine.
So, with that in mind, I proceeded to do the exact opposite. I leaned against the massive kitchen island, looking straight into Caden’s brown eyes on the other side. “I’m sorry I repulsed you with that kiss.”
Caden, for once in his life, actually smiled. Oh, it wasn’t even close to a genuine display of joy. Far from it. It was a sinister, sarcastic smile followed by words designed to hurt. Luckily for everyone, I was a heartless bastard who couldn’t be hurt that easily. “Get your head out of your ass, Partridge.”
Alright. I know how to work with this, I thought. “I’m trying to apologize, asshole. You’d be wise to accept my apology while it’s on the table.”
“Do you think I’m so weak that a little kiss scares me?” he asked, as stony as ever. “You think you need to apologize for that? Believe me, Beckett, there are countless other things you’ve done wrong, but that wasn’t one of them.” He pursed his lips abruptly, like he hadn’t meant to say quite as much.
Too late. I cocked my head in thought, observing the faintest shade of red touching his cheeks. He did like me, too. Well, ‘like’ was a strong word. “If anyone needs to get their head out of their ass, though, it’s you,” I said. “I’m so sick of listening to your riddles, Jones. Can’t you fucking say what you mean? And I say ‘mean’ instead of ‘feel’ because I’m still not sure you’re capable of feeling, you robot.”
His eyes flashed with anger. At least he could feel that much. “Just because you’re not at the receiving end of my feelings, it doesn’t mean I don’t have any. That’s exactly why you’re not in my equation, Partridge. You’re so self-absorbed that nothing exists unless it’s directed at you.”
I snorted with contempt. “That’s so not true. Just because it’s your attention I’m trying to grab, it must mean I’m going around begging everyone to like me, huh?”
Caden locked his gaze on mine. “Are you begging me to like you, Beckett?”
I shifted uncomfortably. He’d parsed straight through my words and found my meaning. “What if I were?” Perhaps that wasn’t the smartest path to take. Then again, when had I ever chosen being smart?
“Maybe it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Caden lifted an eyebrow.
I gripped the edge of the polished marble top of the kitchen island and stared deep into those big, brown eyes. “Bullshit,” I said. “You felt the same thing I did. Don’t pretend.”
“What does it matter?” Caden asked.
“It matters,” I said, my voice dropping lower and quieter. “It matters if you like me the same way I like you. And it matters even more because you’re the most infuriating dick I’ve ever met and I just so happen to kinda be into you.”
“But it doesn’t matter,” Caden said. “Like, hate, it’s all pointless, Beckett. Nothing’s gonna happen here. Not with the two years of baggage we’ve been carrying.”
I pouted as I pushed myself away from the island. “What baggage? We never saw eye to eye, true. But we never had problems. I figured, if we give each other a chance…” I shrugged.
“And does it matter that I was trying to impress you for the first six months? Does it matter that your approval meant everything to me when I couldn’t have it? No, it doesn’t fucking matter. Because I learned one thing in these two years, Beckett. I learned that you’ll never have faith in me and that I am better off fending for myself.” He breathed deeply, posture as steely as ever. “So why would I start giving you chances now? Now, when you need to captain our team and it depends on whether I dance to your fiddle.”
“It’s not like that,” I said carefully, but the truth was I had no proof to offer. “Besides, it’s not that I don’t have faith in you…you’re the second best,” I offered. We both knew I was the best by far, but being second to me was no small thing.
“Words,” Caden said. “Why wouldn’t you be saying this just to get me to play along? Hell, why should I trust that you kissed me for any other reason than to bribe me into compliance?” He threw his hands up and shrugged.
Frustration was eating me raw and I wanted to jump over the island and kiss him until he was silent, but that was pretty much the worst thing I could do right about now. “That’s cruel,” I said sourly. “Even for you, Jones.”
His eyes flashed for an instant. “But don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll play along. We’ll go out there, do our very mediocre, like we’d done this whole week, and probably get our asses kicked. But Coach will be happy we’re no longer at each other’s throats. Morale will be high. Everyone will break into song and an angel will get its wings.”
“You can do better than that,” I said.
“Don’t be stupid,” he spat. “Of course I can be better than I’d been this week. But someone had reminded me a week ago that taking initiative isn’t meant for me. I should follow my captain’s orders.” He gave a sarcastic salute. “Why should I be any better than our average teammates?”
I stared at him in disbelief as it slowly clicked in my head. “You’re considering other career options.”
He shrugged. “I might be thinking about some.”
“Nah. You’re committing. I can see you.”
He narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head. “I’m not committing. I’m just wondering.”
I exhaled a long breath of air. “It wasn’t about you taking the initiative in the rink, Caden,” I said. “It was that you left me in the dark when you did your own thing.”
