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“I’ll have to try it out sometime.”
His eyes narrow minutely. “You should.”
He turns around, digging through the fridge for some food.
“So, do you have your eye on anybody?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“It’s been months, Kaspian.”
“Oh.” He says it like he forgot something simple like taking out the trash and not like he’s been keeping me waiting, forcing me to keep my monster at bay. “I can.”
His nonchalance pisses me off. “Well, I’d appreciate it,” I say with sarcasm. “Unless we’re doing things on our own now, because if that’s the case, you know I’m capable of finding my own victims.”
He turns, tossing food on the counter next to me. “I’m sorry. I guess I got caught up in our normal day-to-day stuff.”
I stare at him for a few seconds. “You know we’re not normal, Kas. I told you we’d—”
“You said we’d never have forever either,” he cuts in. “But then you said you couldn’t exist without me, so things can change.”
I open my mouth to say something, but he continues.
“You said the dream I had of me being able to stalk someone and you kill someone and have us both come back for dinner afterward would never happen, because it wasn’t normal, but what have we been doing these past two years? Exactly that. It’s our normal.”
“It was,” I state. “And then you stopped stalking, choosing instead to bring me breakfast in bed and then trying to make me feel bad that I don’t do the same for you.”
His nostrils flare, and I can see him fighting back the words he wants to say. “You knew what I needed from you when we started. I told you what I expect when I’m in relationships with men.”
“And I distinctly remember saying you’d never be satisfied.”
“I’d be satisfied just fine if you could give—”
“I can’t give you what you want!” I yell, something I almost never do. “I’m a fucking psychopath, Kas. I’m not lying when I say I don’t have the capability of giving you what you need, but you know that. Don’t let our living arrangement fill your head with fantastical ideas. I want you in my life. I crave your darkness. With you, I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever been. But I will not shower you with poetic declarations of love and profess how you make me feel.” I round the table, coming to a stop next to him. “I will, however, worship your body, because the sight of it turns me on like nothing else,” I say, pulling the hem of his shirt up until it’s over his head. “I will always protect you because the loss of you would send me reeling. The anger I’d feel would turn me into an even darker person, and nobody would be safe.” I undo his pants as he continues watching my face, his eyes laser focused on the words leaving my lips.
He captures my face in his hands as his mouth attacks mine. His tongue twirls with my own, not in a sensual dance, but in a violent fight. We both seek dominance, and where I usually win, I think I’ll allow him to take this one.
Kaspian pulls at my clothes, tearing them off me in a frenzy. When we’re both completely naked, he drops to his knees on the hardwood floor in the kitchen and takes me in his mouth, his round, dark eyes looking up at me.
I run my hand through his hair, fingers tangling in the strands, gripping tightly as I thrust into his mouth. He gags a few times, pulling back to catch his breath while his saliva drips to the floor.
“You’re so fucking perfect,” I groan.
He stands up quickly, his face going to my neck as his hands peruse my body. “I want to fuck you,” he says. “Please, Quin. Please. I need it. I need to know you’re mine in every way.”
We don’t switch roles often, both of us content with the way we usually do it, however there’s been times when Kaspian needs this. It’s when he’s feeling especially needy and high-strung.
“Okay,” I reply.
Kas is reaching into the drawer in no time, finding the bottle of lube we keep there. I turn around and once again he’s on his knees, spreading my legs and licking me from my balls to the top of my ass. He moans and grunts as his tongue prods at my entrance.
He stands, pouring the liquid into his hand before gently pushing two fingers into my ass, his other arm wrapping around my waist as he rests his head on my back.
“God, Quin. I fucking…” he trails off, but I know what he wants to say.
He’s been fighting it for a long time now. He wants to say he loves me, but he knows I won’t say it back. I can’t. It wouldn’t be the truth. I’ve never loved anyone, but what I feel for Kaspian is stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced before. I always tell him he’s obsessed with me, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the same for me. I need him in the most unhealthy way.
And to be honest, what he feels for me is probably his own twisted version of love. It’s probably not what other people experience. His version of love changes with his moods. When he thinks he loves me, he’s probably overwhelmed with another emotion. He’s only ever fought back from saying it during the times I allow him to top me, because he’s thrumming with power. He fights it when I’m fucking him hard and rough, because he’s overwhelmed with lust.
