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Of course, we can’t have that. The evil Axel ruining the angelic Sebastian’s reputation. “I wouldn’t do that.”
His gaze softens for a moment, and he places a hand on my shoulder. “Listen to me. I don’t give a fuck who you sleep with. As far as I’m concerned, that’s no one’s business. But if you’re going to do it out in public with another celebrity, someone is going to break that story. Someone with absolutely no qualms about outing or exposing anyone. I need you to understand that.”
I think about my very brief conversation with Sebastian and recall the sadness in his eyes. Would he come out if he could?
I think I know the answer.
I shake my head at Cash. “I don’t want to come out. I’m not a fucking idiot.”
“Coming out isn’t the problem,” he says like he wants to make that clear. He looks into my eyes, projecting seriousness. “Being who you are isn’t a problem.”
“Bullshit,” I whisper, but even though I didn’t mean to, my voice comes out broken.
“Look at me.” I didn’t realize I’d looked away and drag my focus back to him. “I mean it. You say the damn word, and you can tell the world. You never want it to come out and you just want to race, then that’s what we’ll do. But you have to be smart. And something tells me that Sebastian doesn’t have the same options as you.”
He means because of Sebastian’s management, not his circumstance. I know that. But he’s crazy if he thinks my fanbase will be fine with this. I’m not naive. I know sports have had some men and women come out lately, and they’ve even been embraced. But there’s still been plenty of backlash.
And racing?
Most of our fans are in the good ole’ Bible Belt.
I can’t. And I know it.
“His manager is a prick,” is all I manage.
Cash grimaces, and I know it bothers him. For a moment, I wonder if he wishes he would’ve taken on Sebastian instead of me. He doesn’t take on a lot of clients, and he’s completely full, but he also has a soft spot for Sebastian. Just like his wife. Just like the fucking world.
What if they knew? Knew that Sebastian Harris, their golden boy, loves to fuck men just as much as he loves to be fucked by them. That he’s a goddamned animal in the sack. That he likes it rough. Loves to bite and manhandle. That his cock has left me walking funny many, many times after fucking me so hard.
They’d turn on him too.
An uncomfortable feeling runs through me at the thought of him being outed without it being his choice. Of someone snapping a shot of us coming out of the same hotel.
“No one saw us, did they?” Is that why he’s confronting me tonight?
“No.” I don’t feel relieved by his answer, and I don’t think he wants me to. “But they could have. You have to be careful unless you want to do this. But you need to be careful with him too.”
He says it as if there’s more there. I want to tell him Sebastian is just a convenient fuck. That it’s easier than NDAs and meeting strangers in the dark. That we have a mutual understanding.
But none of those excuses come out. Cash looks back toward the hotel. “Maybe I can help him.”
I force out an uncomfortable laugh. “You finally ditching me?”
He rolls his eyes and slings an arm around my shoulder, walking us back inside. “Fuck no. You know I love a good challenge.”
“Asshole.” I say it with no venom and a smile on my face.
Because as much as I hate it, I know Sebastian is right.
Cash will always have my back. And maybe I have more choices than I’m actually comfortable with.
5
SEBASTIAN
“Where the hell have you been?” My agent, Kevin, is waiting for me in the ballroom, ready to tear me apart for daring to disappear during a social function.
“I’m here now.” I’m supposed to be polite and keep my voice down, looking happy. But I’m tired of it. So damn tired of all of it. I want to be here—I do. A lot of these people I consider friends, but answering to my jackass agent who I hate? I don’t want to be doing that.
