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This feels worse than it did when I lost my older brother three years ago. At least when he died, there was nothing I could have done. I was just a kid, and he was killed in a car accident, dead before the paramedics even arrived at the scene.
But with Katy…I could have been there for her tonight. I could have stopped her from taking those fucking pills. I could have saved her. Protected her.
I somehow manage to pull myself back up to my feet, blindly feeling my way toward the door I walked through a minute ago. I don’t want to leave my best friend here without saying goodbye—without telling her how sorry I am and how much I fucking love her—but he’s not letting me stay. And even if I had the energy to fight him right now, I’d lose anyway.
“Xavi?” he calls, waiting until I turn my head to look him in the eye. “You’re dead to me, you understand? If I ever have to look at your face again, I’ll break it.”
* * *
Sitting in a dark corner of the hospital parking lot, mars by YUNGBLUD is playing on repeat through my car stereo—the last song I remember her listening to before I dropped her off at home last night. I’m torturing myself, but I can’t stop.
“Xavi!” she sings my name, her stupid laugh hitting my ears for the hundredth time in the last two hours. “You know I hate it when you ghost me like this. Where are you? I wanna go out. Call me right now or I’m going without you!”
The voice note ends, and I hit the play button on my phone again, tipping my head back against the headrest.
Katy’s blind—was blind—and even though she could text if she wanted to, she preferred using voice notes.
I stare at the roof and listen to her voice, my tears soaking my face and neck as I sip the bottle of vodka I found under her seat.
“Xavi!” she sings my name…
2
NATE
Present
“I’m just saying, guys are usually so much easier to fuck around with than girls,” Frankie rambles, holding on to my shoulder as I all but carry her out of my car. “They don’t ask for much. They hardly ever want anything serious. They just wanna get their dicks wet, right? I thought Myles was like that. But then he catches some freshman guy doing a body shot off my chest and he just loses it. Says I’m out here making a fool out of him or some shit. How was I supposed to know that’d make him jealous? I’m not his fucking girlfriend or his mother. You know what I mean?”
I don’t have a fucking clue what she’s talking about, but I still nod, helping her along towards the huge, six bedroom house me and my best friend, Carter, rented for college. I like it because it’s far enough from campus that I don’t have to deal with the frat boys I can’t stand, but close enough that it only takes me ten minutes to get to class and basketball practice.
It was only supposed to be the two of us at first, but then our teammate, Easton, got thrown out of his apartment by his girlfriend last year, so Carter thought it’d be fun to let him move in with us, the prick.
Frankie moved in just a few months ago. She was in a bit of a tough spot when I met her, so I told her she could stay a couple nights until she figured something else out. I’m still waiting for her to leave.
She stumbles, again, and I wait as she stops and angrily rips her heels off her feet. “Stupid shoes.”
“I don’t think it’s the shoes, Frank.”
“Eat my ass, Grayson,” she throws back, shoving the heels into my abs for me to carry them for her.
I shake my head and keep on walking.
It’s not even four in the afternoon yet, but this is what she gets for partying with the basketball boys all night and then continuing on for half the day. The break between New Years and the start of next semester is basically one long party in this town. A way for us to get it all out of our systems before it’s back to the grind next week.
My teammates love having her around because she’s cool as shit, but then this thing went down with Myles just now and Easton called me to pick her up before she cut the boy’s dick off and made him suck it in front of everyone. Her words, not his, apparently.
“Come on,” I urge, moving her tangled, white blonde hair out of her face so she can see where she’s going. “Let’s get you to bed.”
“But you said we were gonna party at home.”
“I lied to get you out of there.”
She looks at me like I betrayed her, and I let out a laugh, my head shooting up when I hear someone make a quiet, coughing sound. I was so focused on Frankie, I didn’t even see the dark haired guy leaning against the motorcycle parked beside Frankie’s truck.
I tilt my head to get a good look at him, then freeze where I stand. My lips part, and my blood runs cold as I take in his dark features, his shoulders hooked up to his ears and his hands tucked into his pockets. He looks nervous and awkward as he stares right back at me, but then something seems to dawn on him and he pales. “Fuck.”
His low voice snaps me out of my momentary state of shock, and I drop Frankie’s shoes to the ground as I move toward him. He curses again, stepping away from the bike to face me head on. He opens his big mouth to say something, but it’s too late for that. I’m already shoving my fist into it, knocking his stupid little ass to the gravel with one hit.
