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Jean was my mum. She wasn’t a drinker or a partier, but glancing over at her, sitting at a table with a large number of empty glasses, waving madly at my aunt, I could see that she’d already indulged in two or three too many cocktails. I groaned under my breath, and Ander nudged me, following my gaze.
“Do we need to stop drinking to make sure she’s okay later?” His mouth was almost touching my ear, his breath warm on my skin, and I suppressed a shiver.
I turned my head slightly, and his face was so close to mine. With a shaky inhale, I met his eyes, a kaleidoscope of greens and golds and browns that I wanted to get lost in. “No. My dad’s picking her up after his shift finishes.”
“Okay. Need a break from the drunk people you’re related to?” he murmured, and was it my imagination, or was he even closer now?
“Yeah.” My mouth formed the word, but I didn’t make a sound.
Ander took a step back, giving me a soft smile. “Come on, then. Let’s go downstairs for a bit.”
When we were seated in a booth on the ground floor level in the main bar, Ander rested against the padded backrest, rolling his head to the side to face me. “Now I can speak to you without shouting.” It was still loud down here, but thanks to the position of the bar’s speakers and our location tucked away in a corner, it was easy enough to hear each other.
I fished out a cube of ice from my drink, sliding it around in my mouth, suddenly nervous. Ander had given me space all week, which had surprised me, but I knew that he wouldn’t let it go forever. I knew that he wanted an explanation for why I’d been upset when I’d seen him that night, and I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to give it to him.
Crunching down on the cube, I glanced away from his intense gaze, inhaling sharply at the sight my eyes landed on. The remains of the ice slid down my throat as I groaned. “Fuck. Not again.”
Ander moved closer, instantly alert. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Look straight ahead,” I muttered under my breath. Sliding into the booth directly across from ours was Gary, the guy that had come on to me last time we were in this same bar.
“Fuck that twat,” Ander whispered harshly. “He’d better not come over. I can’t even pretend to be your boyfriend this time.”
“Why not?” The words fell from my mouth without thought, and I instantly wanted to take them back because that would lead to Ander asking me—
“Because you have a boyfriend? Don’t you?”
Picking up the beer mat in front of me, I began playing with it, slipping it through my fingers. “Uh. No, I don’t.”
“What about Curtis?Oh. Was that why you were upset?” His voice was so soft and gentle it killed me.
Yes, but not for the reason you’re thinking. I was upset because I’d realised that I was doomed to love Ander. I couldn’t have something with Curtis, and I knew that I had to break things off before we even got started. Ander owned my heart, and while he held it, I couldn’t give it to anyone else. Then when I saw Ander, after turning Curtis down for good and making it clear that there could only ever be friendship between us, it had all been too much for my heart to take.
Why did I have to love someone who couldn’t love me back?
“We decided we were better off as friends,” I said eventually, hoping that he’d take the hint and not probe any further. The only upside of the situation was that Curtis had shared my view—he’d almost been relieved when I brought up the subject, immediately letting me know that he’d planned to say the same thing and I’d beaten him to it.
“Oh.” Ander was quiet for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face. When he opened his mouth again, he spoke carefully. “How do you feel about that?”
I shrugged. There was no way to explain without letting him know how I felt about him, and that wasn’t going to happen. “It is what it is.”
“I’m sorry, E.” Moving so he was right next to me, he slid his arm around my shoulder in a conciliatory gesture. “It’ll happen. You’ll find someone who makes you happy. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”
A sigh fell from my lips as I tipped my head back against the booth, trapping his arm in place. “If only that were true.”
His hand came up, and he gripped my chin, turning my head to face him. When I met his gaze, his eyes were dark and serious. “Elliot, you’re a catch. You’re clever, you’re interesting, you’re a really fucking nice guy, and…” Pausing, he swallowed, and my eyes traced the movement of his throat working. “Objectively speaking, as your best friend, I feel the need to remind you that you’re very good-looking.”
A startled laugh burst from me. “I’m distinctly average, and I’m more than fine with that, believe me. But thanks.”
He shook his head violently, his eyes narrowing. “Stop it. You’re sexy as fuck, and we both know it.”
My heart was racing. Were his cheeks flushing? Clearing his throat again, he released his grip on my jaw, dropping his gaze to his drink. “I mean, as a hot-as-fuck man myself, I can recognise true hotness in other people.”
I honestly didn’t know what to say. In my panic, my gaze bouncing all over the place, I accidentally caught Gary the sleaze’s eye. He leered at me, and I groaned. “Look who’s noticed us here.”
Ander’s gaze immediately snapped to mine and then to Gary’s. Making a noise under his breath that was almost a growl, he used the arm that was around me to pull me closer. He dipped his head to my ear, and I felt his lips brush over my skin as he murmured softly, “Operation ‘pretend to be Elliot’s boyfriend’ is underway.”
Raising his head, he looked at me. Time seemed to stand still as our gazes held, breathing in each other’s air.
