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“Okay.” My voice came out so fucking small.
My dad squeezed my shoulder. “That’s the spirit. Now, what do you say to a little nightcap? Your mum’s asleep, and what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
“You do realise that I’ve been old enough to drink for almost two years now?” I rolled my eyes, feeling more like myself again.
“Yes, but she still sees you as her little boy. Let’s not shatter her illusions now, hmm?”
“Okay. But you’d better put double in my drink. I need it.”
He patted my arm, giving me a warm smile. “Coming right up.”
* * *
Upstairs in my childhood bedroom, I collapsed back on my bed, my head slightly fuzzy from the drinks I’d consumed. Turning my head to the left, I stared at the framed photo of Elliot and me that stood on my bedside table, a small smile tugging at my lips as I thought back to that day. It was early summer when we were fifteen, and we’d gone down to the seafront after school with a group of our mates. Away from the pier, on the quieter part of the beach, there was a cluster of small rowing boats pulled up on the sand. I’d jumped into one of the boats, dragging Elliot in with me, and then leapt onto the wooden seat. I’d thrown my arms around his neck, hugging him from behind, and one of our friends had taken a photo of us both laughing, Elliot’s arms thrown out to the sides in an attempt to keep his balance with my body weight on his back.
My thumb traced his bright, beaming smile as I sighed. I almost wished that I could rewind time, to go back to those days when we were nothing more than two teenagers without a care in the world.
Or even rewind time to yesterday so I could make different decisions, and I wouldn’t have to see that look on my best friend’s face.
Would that be enough? Or would it be better to rewind back even further, to the night that I’d suddenly thought it was a good idea to pretend to be his boyfriend and we’d kissed for the first time?
Fuck. That night had set off a whole chain of events that sent my life down a totally unplanned path, and now everything between us was strained and messed up.
Sighing again, I stripped down to my boxer briefs in short, jerky movements, my frustrations rising to the surface. But when I was under my duvet, something else happened.
I remembered. Clearly remembered.
Hot breath against my skin. Open-mouthed kisses. Desperate pants in my ear. A hard length against me.
My cock was completely on board with my derailed train of thought, thickening inside my underwear and tenting the fabric.
Fucking fuck. This was not good. But then, if I thought about it… How long had it been since I’d been with anyone? A lot longer than usual, so it wasn’t surprising that my dick was hoping for some action. My hand was a poor substitute, although, let’s face it. I was a master masturbator. Pro level if there was a wanking championship.
Wait.Wasthere a wanking championship? I’d have to google it later.
But now I had more important things on my mind. I shoved down my underwear and wrapped my hand around my aching cock, stroking up and down. My hips jerked upwards as my memory supplied me with images from earlier tonight, and I came ridiculously fast, painting my abs with my cum. Rolling to the side to grab some tissues from my bedside drawer, I groaned as I thought about the fact that I’d just come harder than I could remember doing in a long time, and it had been to thoughts of what I’d done with my best friend.
This whole situation was getting way out of hand, and I didn’t know where I stood with Elliot anymore. He’d said he needed space from me, but what if it ended up driving us further apart?
16
“And that was it. I ran…and I feel like I’ve been running ever since.” Gulping in a much-needed lungful of air, I continued, my words gasped between breaths. “I was…too much of a coward to even travel back in the car with him…I caught the train instead.”
Noah glanced over at me, a light sheen of sweat glistening on his face as the sun’s rays fell across him. “That’s a lot…to process,” he panted, slowing his pace to a walk. “Let’s walk for a bit.”
My lungs burning, I matched his pace, grateful for the reprieve from what had turned out to be a punishing early morning run alongside the River Thames. It was sunny, but it was so cold that it hurt to breathe, and every step had been a struggle, even after we’d completed our warm-up.
“So,” Noah spoke again at around the same time it stopped hurting me to breathe. “He kissed you, unprompted. Then you took him outside, kissed him, and you both humped each other, then you ran away?”
“We didn’t hump. That makes us sound like…I dunno. Whatever. We got ourselves off, using each other’s bodies. Or we started to until I panicked and left.”
“Yeah. Exactly what I said, and your phrasing was worse.” There was a tiny smirk on his lips, and I gave him a half-hearted glare as I uncapped my water bottle.
“It wasn’t like that. We were making each other feel good.”
“No need to explain. You’ve painted a graphic enough picture already.” Noah was openly grinning at me now, and despite myself, I could feel my own smile tugging at my lips.
“Whatever. The point is, I think he probably just got caught up in the moment. Two reasons—he kissed me at the table when sleazy Gary was still in full view, and the other reason is that I knew he wanted to experiment with guys. I was there and available. Then I made everything a hundred times worse by practically dragging him outside, forcing a kiss on him and carrying on until I, y’know. Ran. If I’d let things go all the way, it would’ve been even worse, and I can’t imagine it getting any worse than it is right now.”
