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“I…” I didn’t know what to say. I’d never experienced anything like this before. I’d never had any kind of sexual experience in a bed. I’d never come so hard in my life. I’d never done anything sexual with anyone who wasn’t a random encounter at a bar or club or party.
I’d never been with anyone who cared about me like I knew Ander did.
And I’d never, ever dreamed that the boy I loved would do anything like this with me.
I was completely. Fucking. Overwhelmed.
To my horror, I felt my chin tremble, and I blinked rapidly, willing the impending tears away. But it was no use. I sniffed, and a tear rolled down my cheek.
“Elliot.” Ander’s voice was full of so much concern, I knew I was going to break down at any second. I threw my hand up to hide my face from him, but I wasn’t quick enough. He pulled me into him, my head falling to his shoulder as his arms came around me. Stroking up and down my back, he kissed the top of my head. “Please don’t cry. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out. We can get through anything, okay?”
Wetness soaked into his skin, but he made no effort to move me. He just held me, continuing to stroke my back, pressing kisses to my head, so soft and gentle that a lump formed in my throat. I curled my arm around him, letting his warmth and his slow, steady breaths soothe me.
When I could finally speak, the first word out of my mouth was a mumbled “Sorry.”
“There’s nothing you need to apologise for.” He was instantly reassuring, and I loved him for it.
“It’s just…” Fuck, I had to give him an explanation, but I didn’t know how to explain it. “I don’t know why I was crying. It…it’s just that it’s never been like that for me before,” I eventually said.
His soft “Me neither” had my head shooting up.
“How?”
A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he stared down at me. “For one, I never predicted our friendship going in this direction. And then there’s the whole thing where I sucked your dick, and you made me come because it was so fucking hot.”
“What?” I knew that my cheeks were hot enough to fry eggs on, and I buried my head in his neck.
“I liked it, E. Really liked it. I want to do it again. If you…” For the first time, hesitation entered his voice. “Did you like it? Do you…do you want to do it again?”
“Yes,” I admitted in a whisper. “I want to do it again. I want to do whatever you want to do.”
“Okay. Then we will,” he said as if it were that simple.
Was it that simple, or had we opened Pandora’s box?
Only time would tell.
* * *
A shower and a change of sheets and clothes later, I was feeling a little better. Ander and I were sitting propped up against my headboard, wrapped up in my duvet with my laptop open in front of us. The soft glow of my bedside lamp, cycling through all the colours of the rainbow, threw out enough lighting to illuminate us both.
I couldn’t believe I’d cried in front of Ander. I’d heard that some people cried after sex, but even so, I hadn’t ever imagined it happening. And even worse, I hadn’t got to touch him the way I’d always wanted to—to have him fall apart under my hands and mouth. Could I ever do that? He had so much more sexual experience than me, and that was a daunting thought. I’d never even been fully naked with anyone until today—changing in front of each other didn’t count.
Then there was the fact that I didn’t know if all of this was part of his curiosity about guys or if he liked me for real.
“Stop thinking so hard.”
“Huh?” My head shot around to see Ander watching me with a small smile on his face.
He shifted closer to me so that his thigh was pressed against mine. “I know that you’re thinking about what happened, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. Gathering my courage, I forced myself to say, “Can we talk about last weekend?”
“Okay.” He took a deep, slightly unsteady breath, as if he was nervous, his gaze dropping to his hands. “In the bar…I, uh, I really wanted to kiss you right then. I used that dickhead guy as an excuse.”
My heart skipped a beat, and butterflies unleashed themselves in my belly at his words, at the knowledge that he really had wanted to kiss me.Me.
“What about you? Did you want me to kiss you?”
