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He eyed me with curiosity. “Did any of them know about your relationship with Zayde? How did that even start? The article didn’t go into much detail.”
Groaning, I buried my face in my hands. “I guess I have to tell you now that the whole world knows. No one else knew we were together, but we were in a relationship for a lot longer than the paper made out. I’m not sure if there was ever a point where we specifically changed from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend—the whole thing just happened so naturally. You know how the article mentioned that his mum was a cleaner for us? That’s how we met.”
“I have to say, I’m having a hard time getting my head around Zayde Lowry being in a relationship with anyone, let alone you.” He huffed out a laugh. “That man is as cold as ice, and he never lets anyone close.”
My heart ached. “I know. But he was different with me.”
James was quiet for a while, digesting everything. Eventually, he climbed to his feet, holding out his hand to pull me up. “Right. The first thing we need to do is to make sure everyone knows that you didn’t have anything to do with the article. I hate to say it, but I think you’re going to have to start with Zayde because it affects him the most.”
“He won’t listen to me, James. And I don’t even know if I can be in the same room as him without… I feel so confused. My head feels so messed up.”
“You have to try.”
I knew he was right, although I wished he wasn’t. It was time for me to face things head-on.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
SEVENTEEN
Ipaced the Alstone Holdings boardroom. It was a hive of activity—the Cavendishes, Drummonds, and my dad were all here, plus Winter and Jessa. At one end of the huge conference table, a screen was showing a larger version of the video call that the board members were currently on via their laptops, the faces of our lawyers drawn and serious. Taylor, Paul Drummond’s assistant, was running around with a panicked look on her face like she was personally responsible for this shitshow. It was giving me a headache, and I dropped my gaze to the table. It made no difference. Coffee cups, biscuits, pens, and papers cluttered the surface, and the atmosphere was so fucking oppressive it made me want to scream.
I needed a break. To get out of here. To clear my head before I did something I knew I’d regret.
“Cade.” Dipping down, I spoke in a low voice. “I’m going for a ride. Text me if anything comes up, okay?”
He nodded. “I’ll cover for you. Do what you need to.”
Wasting no more time, I headed out of the room and took the lift down to the ground floor. Once I was in the car park, helmet on and straddling my bike, I felt like I could breathe again for the first time in hours. Twisting the throttle, I pressed down the Start button, and the bike roared to life, thrumming powerfully beneath me. Then I took off.
My body worked on autopilot, leaning into the road curves, taking me away from the town centre as my mind emptied of everything but the feel of my bike’s wheels flying across the tarmac. This was what I’d needed—had needed ever since I found out about Fallon’s return. Slipping back into old habits wasn’t what I wanted, not after I’d crawled out of the dark place I’d been in since Tim had died and Fallon had gone. My coping mechanisms now were better. The temporary sting of the tattoo or piercing needles. The open road where I was free of everything, just me and my bike.
When I came to a stop, I realised that I was at the ruins of Alstone Castle. The day was cool and overcast, meaning it was even colder up on the clifftops above the sea, and in the sudden silence, I could hear the waves battering harshly at the cliffs.
Removing my helmet, I headed for the edge of the cliff. I’d been in a very fucking dark place after Tim had died. About four or five days after it had happened, I’d been standing here in this spot, in the dead of night.
The rain was a deluge, and the wind was howling, and I was so fucking empty and broken.I stared down at the blackness of the sea, churning far below. The rocks were jagged, with lethal edges, and the wind buffeted my body, making me stumble. Bolts of lightning split the sky, followed by the low rumble of thunder.
It would be so easy to let go. To take one step forwards.
My final step. And then the darkness would pull me under, and I’d finally be at peace.
No one would miss me. My own mother hadn’t wanted me. My dad wanted what I represented—a legacy. My friends would soon forget about me. And the only person who’d ever captured my heart was gone. She hated me with every fibre of her being, and for good reason.
I gasped in a breath, the icy air stinging my lungs.
My mind was at war, torn in two.
I wanted the pain to stop.
I wanted everything to go away.
Inhaling another lungful of the sea air, I screamed at the sky, pouring every bit of rage and despair I felt into the sound.
Then I lifted my foot and took a step.
Back.
Away from the edge.
