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He knelt down next to me, holding out a shiny black lighter engraved with a grinning skull. Flipping open the top, he lit the flame and held it to the edge of the closest page.
It immediately caught light, the words disappearing as the fire devoured the paper. It was a relief watching it burn, watching those hateful words go up in smoke.
When the other pages began to light up, he got to his feet. “Come on.”
I followed him back to the place he’d parked his bike, next to the side of the road. He leaned back against his bike, his arms folded across his chest. Just when I was about to ask what he was doing, I heard the sound of a car engine, and a silver VW Polo appearedover the crest of the hill. Zayde straightened up as the car came to a stop. The driver’s door opened, and a pretty girl stepped out, holding a red motorbike helmet. She smiled at Zayde and eyed me with curiosity. “Good thing I kept forgetting to give you this helmet back, wasn’t it?”
Zayde took the helmet from her. “I owe you one.”
She shook her head, her smile brightening. “If anything, I owe you for giving me a lift home that night. If I hadn’t been back in time to turn in that essay, I would’ve failed my module.” Turning to me, she said, “Since I doubt Zayde will introduce us, I’ll introduce myself. I’m Kinslee.”
“Hi. I’m Fallon.” I returned her smile automatically. More words came spilling out of my mouth, unchecked. “Why have all the girls I’ve met recently been so nice? This isn’t how I remember Alstone.”
Kinslee laughed. “Oh, there’s plenty of that around, so I guess you’ve been lucky. Thankfully, I’m not part of the elite, so I’ve escaped the worst of it, although hanging around with this lot over the past year has meant I’ve had my share of run-ins with the less friendly part of Alstone’s population. I’m sure Zayde can tell you about it.”
I filed that information away for later. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too.” She stepped back towards her car. “I don’t want to seem rude, but I was about to go and visit my brother when Zayde called me, so I’d better get going before I’m ridiculously late. I’m sure I’ll see you around. I’ve never caught Zayde alone with a girl before, and he’s definitely never asked a favour for one, so you must be special.” Her smile turned into a huge grin at Zayde’s warning growl. Diving back into her car, she shouted, “Bye,” out of the window and drove away.
You must be special.
The words kept replaying in my mind.
“Helmet on. You can hold the bar if you don’t want to hold on to me,” Zayde instructed gruffly, shoving the helmet into my arms.
You must be special.
I let the helmet fall to the ground.
“What are you—”
Launching myself up onto my toes, I cut him off with a kiss.
It was so wrong yet so right.
It felt inevitable.
It felt like coming home.
The way his strong arms instantly wrapped around me, holding me in place as his lips slanted across mine, made my entire body shiver. My mouth opened for his, and the warm metal of his barbell glided over my skin as his tongue slid against mine. His kiss was so familiar and so new at the same time.
I wanted it to stop, and I never wanted it to end.
I tasted salt, and I realised that I was crying. Breaking away from his kiss, I gasped for breath, speaking in a broken whisper. “I can’t help wanting you. But I don’t want to want you. I hated you so much, Zayde, for so long. I hate you for what you did.”But I think I still love you.
He inhaled sharply, his arms tightening around me. His voice was so low and raw, his words pressed into my skin as he buried his head in my neck.
“Sometimes I hate me, too.”
Fuck. My stomach churned at his defeated tone, that raw honesty that let me know that he truly believed what he was saying. And I hated myself for the words I’d flung at him, despite the fact that I meant them, yet didn’t mean them, all at the same time.
“I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have done that. I just wish…I wish that things could have been different.” Drawing back from him was a struggle because it felt so right to be in his arms, but how could I get over the past? How could I even contemplate it when my brother was dead because of him?
With a sigh, I picked up the helmet, brushing the dirt from it.
Zayde rubbed his hand across his face, turning away from me. Swinging his leg over the bike, he mounted it, tugging his own helmet over his head. I fought the shiver that raced through my body at the sight of him sitting astride the powerful machine, all dressed in black and sexy as fuck. No one else had ever caught and held my attention the way he had. He was beautiful, and dangerous, and everything I’d ever wanted, once upon a time.
When I climbed on behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, not even entertaining thoughts of holding the handlebar, I knew I had to stop lying to myself.
